Twenty is a fun time. Half of my friends are married and expecting children/parenting little ones, and half of my friends are crying over glass bottles of various drinks (from sparkling cider to whiskey) over still being the most single they've been since preschool. I happen to be somewhere in the middle, where when I'm not reading, writing, or meowing back to my cat, I've been seeing this pretty cute guy. I'm content with how my life is now, and truly have been content at every stage from single to dating to engaged to single again. That said, it seems that now is a good time to be working on our various relationships and remembering to enjoy what we've got. Without further ado, here are my tips for all of my young single adult friends...
Here's a somewhat aggravating fact:
I've observed this phenomenon my whole life, and as frustrating as it is for some people, it may just serve a purpose; You never find a relationship when you're actively looking for one. As long as you feel that pining in your chest for someone to text you back and tell you you're the best thing to ever happen to them, it'll never happen. I'm prepared to stand in front of an audience and deem it as a law of the universe. You may find space fillers-people who will take up some of your time, but you won't find what you're looking for as long as you're looking. Yes, a strong, fulfilling relationship is like Narnia. It doesn't show up until you're not looking for it anymore.
This is great though! This allows you time to relax, get in touch with who you are and what you want to do, and figure out more of what makes you happy and what journey your life is embarking on.
Buckle up and be patient
I met my current heartthrob as a freshly fourteen year old girl. He was a sophomore, I was a freshman, and he sat in front of me in my debate class. I'll admit, I wasn't single when I met him, but boy did I like him. He was the brooding sarcastic type, and of course I was diggin' it. I remember, especially when I did break up with my boyfriend at the time, thinking about how desperately I wanted him to really notice me and think I was cute and ask me out and so on and so forth. I was so into him. That said, when we met also happened to have been one of the worst years of my life, and the next five years following were tumultuous episodes of me trying to not die. I was so depressed and I had so much trauma to work through, so many expectations to shrug off. If we'd been in a relationship then, it probably wouldn't have gone very well. I needed things I couldn't comprehend, and I wanted someone else to give them to me when I was the only one who could provide it. I'm still working on learning exactly how to do that, but I would have driven him up the wall. Furthermore, having been so young I wouldn't have communicated very well or been as concerned about him and his needs as I should have.
This guy would have seen me at some of my darkest moments. While I know he wouldn't have minded sticking around through the hard parts, I'm grateful he wasn't there. Not just because I don't want for him to ever have to deal with that, but because in the long run, I went through it on my own, and I conquered it on my own. On our own is the only way we can actually get through any of our most personal struggles, and it would have only been more frustrating for him to have been so helpless while I worked through it all.
This guy is really important to me, and I appreciate him so much. I never would have thought after over half a decade, fourteen year old Beth would be getting that crush of hers. I'm much more capable of being the girlfriend he deserves now, and guess what? Little attributes I discovered in him all those years ago and fell in love with? They're still there in him. The wait was worth it. You never know what's going to happen days, months, or even years down the line. It's so important to live your life with an open mind and heart!
Love yourself and others wont be able to help but follow suit
I'm probably my own biggest fan. Like, my love for myself rivals even that of my mother's. I admire myself so much! I am so patient, so observant, brilliant, kind, funny...the list goes on. I don't care who in society ever made you feel bad for having a list of things you really love about yourself, you need to have a list, too. You will deal with yourself for the rest of your existence! You make the decisions for yourself, so take time and care for yourself!
You can't love yourself until you've taken the time to get to know yourself. Observe yourself like you would someone you had a big ol' sloppy crush on. What are you like when you're with your friends? Funny, shy, sarcastic...? How do you hold yourself in public? What kind of quirks do you have? Meet yourself and write that list and fall completely in love with who you are in every aspect. If you won't take the time to love you, how can you allow anyone else to do it? Find what you love and then broadcast that stuff in how you handle yourself!
Appreciate what you have
I don't say this just because you should be grateful for what you've got and all. Think of it this way; if you're so focused on what you don't have, if all you can think about is how much you wanna be over at B but you feel stuck at A, is that negative attitude going to keep your eyes wide open for you when opportunity comes knocking? If you want to be in the best position possible for receiving love, then you have to be in a positive place. Enjoy your friends, your opportunities, the things you have. Be grateful that you are you, and that you can always improve and change and grow and learn and adapt. When you become so whisked away in all of the goodness in your life that you couldn't possibly be bothered by anything else, that's when it comes.
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