Medications for Mental Illnesses?

       Depression has a complex image in today's society. While we're beginning to have a widespread understanding of what it is (and what it isn't), we still have some pushback. There are still those who think depression is no more than a simple attitude problem, and a crutch for people to make excuses and not work hard or push through. The stigma around using prescription medications is even more toxic and restrictive. I wanted to address this, bring forward some facts, and hopefully make those suffering from depression feel better about taking care of themselves.

What is depression? Also known as major depressive disorder, depression is a mental disorder which causes suffers to feel immense sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, emptiness, and sometimes unexplainable loss. It also manifests physically, causing issues with sleep, appetite, an immense loss of energy, slowed thinking or speaking, and habits such as hand-wringing. 

       There are three big neurotransmitters talked about when discussing depression; dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine. Dopamine mostly deals with the physical drive-doing things, being present, and feeling pleasure. Serotonin deals a little more with emotions and sleep, and norepinephrine is also associated with being awake or being asleep, being mentally present and focusing, and your general attitude. 

       For those of you who don't have depression, let me put it simply. Imagine you are in a situation where you should feel excited! Maybe even overwhelmed with joy! This is one of the greatest moments of your life, something you've worked hard for or looked forward to for years and years. Now imagine, while experiencing this event, you aren't capable of feeling that joy. You recognize it's supposed to be a positive thing, and maybe you feel a little relief that it finally came, or have even cracked a smile-but you aren't capable of really feeling that deep, full joy. Imagine you just didn't have the physical capacity to have your emotions respond appropriately to various stimuli. That's exactly what depression is. 

       Sufferers of depression aren't just in a bad mood because they don't know how to be. They have brains that are wired differently than most others. They are lacking certain neurotransmitters and have too many of others. Scientists have found that those who suffer from chronic clinical depression actually have a smaller hippocampus (memory) and thinner right cortex (mood). They recognize that something is wrong, but they can't fix it with willpower alone. 

The benefits of psychotherapy: Psychotherapy is the type of therapy we see in all of the TV shows. You sit down with a psychologist or psychiatrist and discuss how you feel and what's going on in your brain. Talking with a therapist is half the battle-this helps us to recognize negative thought patterns we've fallen into and gain healthier coping habits and insight. Any past traumas and toxic influences that are inflaming our disorders can be resolved and breakthroughs can happen! However, this doesn't cure the chemical imbalances we're dealing with. 

The benefits of medications: Medications can help ease and even correct the imbalances found within the brain. If you can't produce your own neurotransmitters, store-bought is just fine! These medications allow for the brain to form healthier connections and the patient can live a healthier, happier life. Antidepressants can help bridge the gap that is left by using psychotherapy alone. Addressing the cognitive disconnect along with supplying the brain with the chemicals it needs and isn't producing naturally could lead the patient to living a relatively normal life!

       Some believe that antidepressants cause users to become emotionless zombies-they're just being sedated so their families don't have to suffer the pain of losing them. This is false and in my opinion, a symptom of just how awful depression can be. Incorrect doses and incorrect meds can have a negative impact, this is true. Finding the best medication and dosage is often a process of trial and error. However, when you find the right combination, the ability to function as you'd like to and be healthier overall is completely worth it! 

Why the negative rhetoric and refusal of acknowledgment is toxic: Having witnessed many friends and family suffer while trying to find the right balance scared me to death. I was in denial about being depressed for a long time, because I didn't want to be talked about the way others talked about them. I didn't want to be labeled as whiney and asking for an easy ride in life, and I definitely didn't want to be called "crazy". After hearing about how meds were just "crutches" and completely unnecessary, I didn't want to have anything to do with them. Watching people get rushed to the hospital from serotonin syndrome and have mental breakdowns was horrifying. Enough finally became enough, and I was blessed with enough wonderful and supportive friends to help me feel okay about doing whatever it took to take care of my very real illness. 

       However, not everyone is so lucky as to find the strength and support to seek medical care. Many people are shamed into suffering in silence. These people struggle for so long to find their footing and catch a break, and this often results in suicide or failed attempts. The awful truth is, those suffering from mental illnesses like depression often get bullied by friends and relatives (though neither party may see it that way) into going untreated. Untreated depression results in brain damage and of course can be life-threatening.

       Discrediting someone's illness and discouraging them from seeking treatment and taking care of themselves could cause things to go south. Real fast. It's important that we not allow pseudoscience, old wives tales, fear, or apathy blind us from being there for those who need us. Making the conscious decision to choose empathy, kindness, love, and respect is always better, and very well could save a life. 

The reality: Depression is real. While it may be over-diagnosed or hard to understand, it's very real and very dangerous. It is not glamorous. It's lacking energy and will-power and feeling absolutely alone and overwhelmed and hopeless. It's wishing you could die or were never born. For some people, it means losing interest in things which once brought you to life. For others, it's a year without brushing your hair. Tragically, there are those for whom it will mean taking your own life.

       Making the decision to do what's best for you and treat the whole disease is an important and personal decision. This is something you decide to do in your own time, under the advisory of a qualified medical professional. Finding the right medication and feeling okay about taking it can be along, winding road. No matter how hard, that very decision to allow yourself to go forward with treatment could just be the decision that saves your life and preserves you for a beautiful, fulfilling future that your illness won't allow you to foresee at this moment. 

Healthy Relationships

       The statistics:

       On average, over 12 million women AND men experience sexual or physical abuse at the hands of a trusted romantic partner each year.

      1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men aged 18 years old and older have been victims of extreme IPV (Intimate Partner Violence). 

       51% of female victims of sexual assault reported the perpetrator as an intimate partner, and 40% reported an acquaintance. 

       1 in 6 women and 1 in 19 men have reported being stalked and made to worry for the safety of themselves and their loved ones. 

       A child has been a witness to nearly 22% of reported IPV cases.

       30-60% of abusive partners also abuse children in the home. 

        In a nationwide survey, 9.4% of teens had reported being slapped, hit, or otherwise physically injured within the 12 months prior to the survey.

        More than a quarter of male victims of rape had reported having been abused previously at the age of 10 or younger. 

        Nearly 1 in 3 college aged women have reported having been in an abusive relationship.

       What Abuse Looks Like: 

       Warning signs (behaviors that indicate risk of abuse):

• Tells you you are worthless, can't do anything correctly, or otherwise makes you feel incapable and powerless.
• Shows extreme/unreasonable/unnerving jealousy when you're giving time and attention to anyone else including friends, family members, coworkers, etc. This may lead to isolation by means of encouraging you to spend increasingly less time with other individuals, asking you to quit your job, taking your means of contact, intercepting phone calls, etc. 
• Controls every bit of money you have, or takes your money. If married or living in a situation where they are the source of income, they won't give you any money, especially for necessary expenses. If you do manage to buy something, they might take it, break it, etc.
• Pressures you to do things you don't want to do such as participate in sexual/intimate acts when you aren't ready or interested, ingest drugs, alcohol, food, etc, 
• Intimidates or threatens you or does things to demonstrate their power over you, possibly scare you often. 
• Dictates what you can and can not see, do, participate in, etc. Demands that you never make any decisions (personal or otherwise) without their consent, or insists on making all of the decisions for you.
• Displays no regard for your safety, privacy, etc. This may manifest in sharing intimate pictures with friends, inviting guests over at inopportune times, leaving you alone with people you've mentioned having made you uncomfortable before, etc.
• Otherwise makes efforts to control, limit, or discomfort you. Their actions may frequently make you feel fearful, uncomfortable, drained and exhausted, oppressed, and unhappy. 

       Please note: Not all of these need to happen at the same time, or even often for them to be considered warning behaviors. If your partner is displaying any of these signs, or if you are concerned in general that your relationship may not be healthy, please seek the advice of a professional counselor or take the proper precautions to exit the relationship (which will be outlined later in this post). 

       

        Signs of Physical Abuse: 

• Hair pulling, slapping, hitting, punching, choking, kicking, biting, or otherwise inflicting physical pain and discomfort. 
• Forbidding you from eating, sleeping, using the restroom, etc.
• Hurting you with weapons
• Hurting your children or pets
• Forbidding you from contacting police or seeking medical attention
• Abandoning you in unfamiliar places or otherwise attempting to isolate or disorient you physically. 
• Reckless driving while you are in the passenger seat (jokingly or in anger)
• Forcing you to ingest food, drugs, or alcohol (most especially if you have had a substance abuse problem in the past). 

       Signs of Emotional Abuse: 

• Insulting or continually criticizing you
• Acting jealous and possessive, isolating you, or giving you limits as to who you're allowed to speak to. 
• Controlling what you wear and how you look
• Accusing you of cheating, or cheating on you to intentionally hurt you, may threaten to cheat again.
• Threatening to hurt you or your loved ones
• Blaming you for their anger, infidelity, outbursts, abusive behavior, etc.
• Punishing you by withholding affection
• Damaging your property when they're angry or otherwise attempting to demonstrate dominance and control over you
• Telling you you'll never find anyone better, they're all you can get, you're unloveable and undesirable, and making you feel worthless and alone.
• Humiliating or embarrassing you
• Gaslighting (saying things like "I never want to hear you say this again", "you're crazy, that never happened", "you're too sensitive, don't get angry over such tiny stuff" or appearing to forget or dismiss their behavior when approached.) 

       Signs of Sexual Abuse:

• Forces you to dress sexually, or tells you not to wear something because it's too sexual.
• Insulting you in sexual ways or calling you sexual names
• Forcing or manipulating you into performing sexual acts, or making you feel like you owe them. May say things like "sex is how you can prove you love me" or threatening to cheat/leave if you don't give in
• Restraining you during sex 
• Demanding sex when you are sick, tired, or after hurting you (physically or emotionally)
• Involving other people in sexual activities against your will
• Hurting you during sex
• Forcing you to watch pornography
• Trying to pass on an STI, or force a pregnancy, refusing to use protection, etc. May force you to get an abortion or threaten you if you decide to get one.
• Reacting negatively when rejected with sadness, anger, or resentment
• Trying to normalize their demands "I need it", "everyone else is okay with it".
• Performing sexual acts on you when you are in situations where you can't consent such as sleeping, drunk, or drugged. 

        Signs of Financial Abuse: 

• Maxing out credit cards in your name, posing hard inquiries in your name, not paying bills you share, or otherwise doing things to intentionally hurt your credit score
• Living in your home but refusing to contribute in any way
• Stealing money from you or your family/friends
• Placing your paycheck in their bank account and denying or delaying your access to it, or preventing you from accessing bank accounts
• Forcing you to give them money
• Withholding money from you or refusing to pay for shared necessities such as food, clothing, medical expenses, etc.
• Forbidding you from working or getting an education, or limiting the hours you can work.

       Signs of Digital Abuse:

• Sending you unwanted explicit pictures and/or demanding them from you
• Steals or demands your passwords
• Constantly texts/calls you and makes you feel threatened or fearful if you aren't constantly checking in with them, or punishes/guilts you for not contacting them.
• Uses any kind of monitoring or spyware to keep tabs on you
• Publicly insults or embarrasses you, or complains about you on social media platforms
• Limits your social interaction or controls your electronic devices
• Sends you negative, threatening, or rude messages/comments

       If you are experiencing any of these abuses, and would like help to safely exit your relationship, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 

1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). Visit thehotline.org/help/path-to-safety/ for help in figuring out an exit plan and identifying helpful resources. If you're seeking help for a teen, they can text "loveis" to 22522 for advice from a trained peer advocate. 

       A huge thanks to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for all of their helpful information and efforts in aiding those who are in dangerous and demeaning situations! 

       So, now that we've gone over that, what does a healthy relationship look like? 

       Healthy relationships are the bee's knees, my friends. Relationships should be partnerships in which all members feel safe, respected, honored, and understood. You should feel like a team while being able to maintain your independence. It's perfectly fine to consult each other about things like "do you prefer this color, or that one" "what do you think of this plan" "does this sound like something you'd be interested in doing" "do you have any plans on this particular day", etc. Most couples experience twinges of jealousy here and there, or feel bits of their perfectly human insecurity respond. That said, they never limit or control the other person, or guilt them for interacting with someone an individual might view as "more desirable than me". 

       I can only use my current relationship to paint a vivid picture of what a relationship should be like (I'm not trying to brag, this guy's just a lot better than the abusers I've dated and dealt with in various capacities. I like him. I'll probably keep him!). My boyfriend and I look out for each other, help each other, consider each other when getting food, making plans, daydreaming about our future kitchen, etc. We communicate to the best of our ability our worries, excitement, and so forth. When one of us is faced with a limitation or challenge, the other is by their side, comforting and supporting. Each individual has their freedom to do as they please (we can work wherever we want at whatever schedule we want, visit our family, go on vacations without the other if we so choose...) and interact with anyone they deem tolerable (most days he'll be on his headset with people I have never held a conversation with, while I'm texting my closest friends). When I hear that he's had lunch with two of his female coworkers, I don't blink an eye. When he sees I'm texting a close male friend, he doesn't think anything of it. He encourages me to use and develop my talents, I encourage him to do the same, and we go forward with our lives! There is so much love and respect in our relationship, and i am so, so grateful. 

       It's Okay to Not be Perfect in a Relationship!

       We're all learning together how to be the best partner we can be. Our flaws are improved only by time, trial and error, and experience. That said, we don't need to excuse unacceptable behavior. If your partner is doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable, have a calm, mature, non-accusatory conversation with them, prepared with alternatives for how they should behave. If you've been approached by your partner with concerns, listen closely, discuss how you can improve, and don't be afraid to apologize or ask for help. Treat your partner with love, respect, and patience. 

       If You Find You're Frustrated:

       Not every relationship was meant to last. If you're angry, sad, or upset frequently in your relationship, it's time to ask yourself what's really going on and what action needs to be taken. Sometimes relationship difficulties can be resolved with a change of birth control or addressing personal health issues, others need counseling and some change in behavior, and some just can't be saved. First, ask yourself honestly what you can be doing to improve the relationship. Especially in cases where fighting is frequent, it's rarely just one person's fault. Take steps to correct your behavior and keep yourself mentally/emotionally fit for a relationship. 

       Secondly, ask what it is you need from your partner. If you want to make them jealous, maybe your real concern is getting praise, attention, and affection from them. If you're constantly instigating huge arguments, maybe you're fishing for passion and an emotional response to you, or confirmation that you're worth working for. Figure out what the real root of the problem is, and then figure out what you and your partner both need to do to resolve it. If you're struggling to identify what it is you need, try writing from the perspective of yourself in the future, as if things changed in the relationship for the better. Write, "I am so grateful for the way ___ does this, this, and the other thing. They show their love for me by doing this, and I know they respect me because they always take time to ___. We're a great team, because we can ___, we always __, and we practice __." If that doesn't jog your memory, try writing down a list of attributes and experiences you'd appreciate from your partner, such as "grateful, patient, kind, and considerate. I sometimes catch them saying sweet things about me to their friends and family, or they surprise me by doing the laundry". 

        Third, research, identify, and utilize necessary resources. Look for counselors, take breaks, whatever it is you and your partner decide is most appropriate. When you pursue help, be certain to put your best foot forward, put it all on the table, and really take advantage of the opportunity you have to heal your connection with someone that's become such a valuable person in your life. 

       Fourth, commit and follow through. If you sought counseling, heed the counselor's advice and adopt their corrective behavior. If you and your partner chose a different path, stick to the action plan you developed together. Communicate openly and mindfully. It won't be fast and easy, and you will probably stumble along the way, but maintaining effort and sticking to your commitments pays off in the end. 

       

       Remember to Keep an Attitude of Gratitude!

       People need to be appreciated. Wonderful things need to be taken for what they are, not neglected and taken for granted. Your relationships will fare far better if you continue to look for all of the positive, happy, healthy moments shared between the both of you, instead of focusing all of the time on the negative. Thank the other person for their contributions, give praise for positive behavior, thank them for their support, and remind them how important they are to you. Keep an eye on all of the great things you've got going for you, both in and out of your relationship. Regardless, keep your head on, trust your intuition, and do what's best for you in your situation. 

10 Questions About Me Tag!

       Disrupting the normal theme to bring a light-hearted post! I've had the privilege to write about some very important, very heavy topics recently (some things not yet out for reading, other things recently posted). I love writing about this stuff and receiving responses in return from readers new and seasoned, discussing your perspectives and personal stories. If all I had to do for the rest of my life was run this blog, I'd be the happiest clam! That said, I thought it would be a nice quick break to write something a little more light-hearted and fun, and allow my readers to get to know me a bit! Feel free to answer the following questions about yourself in the comments below! 

       1) What is your favorite genre to read and write? 

       My favorite genre to read is by far the classics! I admire the legendary authors like Twain, Defoe, and Dumas who forever changed the world of storytelling for nearly every medium. As far as writing goes, I tend to enjoy it in every genre, although I'm least passionate about Sci-Fi. I enjoy writing this blog about dealing with life and mental health and relationships, and I enjoy writing anything fictional that challenges me to write complex characters who make a story completely unique.

       2) What process do you use to keep your blog up-to-date? 

       My process varies from time to time, I've never really been one for routine (I kind of detest routines). However, lately what I've done is organized a schedule, where I've written down in my planner what is going to be posted by what date. Then, after I've added it to the drafts of my blog, I go in and write down some of the bigger ideas of what my point was with each subject. This helps me to keep track of all of my ideas, so everything gets the chance to see the light of day. Finding things to write about is never difficult, I have at least three ideas come to me every day. 

       3) What's the best part of writing your blog?

       All of the lives I get to touch. I've always wanted to help people-an odd ambition for someone who seriously values alone time and being left to my own devices, I admit. To be able to use the only talent I've really got (writing) and use it as a way to help others and bring relief to their hearts and minds is incredible. I wouldn't give it up for anything.

       4) What's the worst part of writing your blog?

       I think the actual writing of it can be more challenging than I'd like, at times. Some blogs are really easy to produce, because I know exactly what I want to say and how I'm going to say it. Others are more difficult, because they're topics I'm so passionate about I can't decide where to start, or it's something that needs to be phrased very carefully so as to not offend or confuse anyone. That said, I like the challenge!

       5) What made you want to start this blog in the first place, and where do you see it going?

      I don't remember the exact moment I said, "Hey! I'm going to start a blog!". I think this originally was supposed to start out as a way of celebrating my college friendships and everything that we've experienced and learned together, though. It quickly turned into a blog about my own experiences when we all went our separate ways for the summer, and now it's just become a platform for me to talk about topics I'm passionate about. As far as what the future holds, I have no idea. I'd love for it to continue to pick up momentum, but that isn't necessary. I just want to keep at it! 

       6) Who are your greatest influences, both in writing and in life?

       Same answer for both, really! As completely cliche as it may be, I absolutely adore and idolize J.K. Rowling as a person. She's just a reminder to me everyday that everyone, even the most successful artists, have to pay their dues. The rough times I'm going through now will just make for a better lifetime film, later (or so, I joke). 

       7) When did you know you wanted to write?

       When I discovered at a young age, via my mother's example, that if I wanted to read a book that wasn't written yet, I could write it myself! It started there and took off through school, where I realized I was actually really good at it. Every time I go to write anything, I feel like I'm discovering more about myself, and it's an interesting journey, every time. 

       8) What's your big writing dream?

       I'd love to write a novel that originally gets turned into a film (or films). In my dream scenario, I'm also the screenwriter (I LOVE SCREENWRITING OH MY GOODNESS). I just think it would be so fun to be able to make a huge production and tell the story well in different mediums!

       9) What job would you have if you weren't writing?

       I'd love to be a social worker or family counselor, or open up my own orphanage/boarding school, or become secretary of education, or even become a film director. I just really want to influence a large amount of people's lives in a positive way. 

       10) What is the best thing you've ever written?

       I wrote these nine books when I was eleven years old-they were really something! I'm not a huge fan of fantasy, but that's the genre these books belonged to. I lost them sometime after finishing them, but oh my goodness! They were so good. I mean, an eleven year old wrote them, yes. I still remember the plot and most of the events that happened, I think about these books everyday, without fail. One of these days, I hope I start restoring it all. Those were fantastic books, I'm still immensely proud of them and the girl who stayed up until it was time to wake up writing them. 

       Thanks for all of the support through the time I've been running this blog, guys! I appreciate every bit of it. Here's to more adventures together!

Forgiveness

       This blog post was supposed to be a lot more organized, but I think it would be wiser for the rhetoric to take the form of the subject: fluid and authentic. Unedited, unfiltered, here are my thoughts on forgiveness...

       I don't believe, firstly, that forgiveness serves anyone but yourself (which is kind of the whole point). Rather recently, participants of social media have adopted an aggressive attitude of "never forgive, never forget, forever savage". They associate being bold and fierce with being cold, holding grudges, pursuing revenge, and general negative character development. I know it's easy to fall in step with the ideals and examples of the people who are the loudest and the most colorful in our influence circles. That said, when has popular belief ever really been in everyone's best interest?

       The best thing you can do for yourself is to forgive. Forgiveness isn't an invitation to your table. It excuses absolutely nothing. I don't know who started that rumor, but they need to be forgiven, too. Forgiveness is an act of power and strength. Do you know how satisfying it is to take back all of your energy for yourself and really feel how no one else can influence you or your mood? We all talk about wanting to be impossible to mess with, unreachable, untouchable, indestructible. That doesn't come with grudges. Your energy is being drawn to and controlled by the target in a grudge. The moment you forgive, is the moment you take their cuffs off of your wrists. To forgive someone can be very, very difficult. This is especially true when they hurt you repeatedly, severely, and appear to give no regard. Understanding that, this is when it counts the most. What does it matter that you have a right to be hurt and angry when you deserve to feel happy? What does holding onto the pain really, truly do for you?

       The first step in forgiveness is to allow yourself to go through the five stages of grief. This process takes a different amount of time, based on who you are and what happened and what else is going on in your life. Some people may go through the sadness and the bargaining and the anger within hours, others days, others years. That's fine. Regardless, allow yourself to go through the process. Every base needs to be touched in order to score the home run. If you're struggling to get to a point of acceptance over what happened (if you're still shaking with anger or moved to your core with urges to get revenge, or still telling stories of how awful a person is years and years down the line) then it would be well worth it to look into seeing a counselor/therapist. Once you reach a state of acceptance, you've already taken your energy and redirected it so that instead of wasting it on a painful past, it's feeding into a healthier, happier present you.

       Secondly, be bold enough to unapologetically celebrate all of the triumphs that have become yours due to whatever trauma came to pass. Whatever wins or positive development you've gained, those are yours, no one else's. It's so important that you recognize that not every tragedy comes exclusively painful. Taking inventory of all of the good times gives you some relief, and an opportunity to clear your head. Embrace everything you can.

       Thirdly, dare to allow yourself to feel positive feelings towards the person if they're already there. It's okay to acknowledge that the person or people involved aren't all terrible, to understand that the person wasn't being themselves or was going through a hard time and just happened to use you as a punching bag of sorts to deal with their emotions. This is NOT the same as suggesting that what they did was okay in anyway, or to suggest that the consequences coming to them/they experienced are undeserved! This is only a step towards understanding that their actions against you weren't personal, no matter how calculated they may have been. Any responsibility you may claim in your mind for what they did is not yours. They're going through whatever, that's their personal business, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Everyone has the freedom to do what they want to with their circumstances. Mentally ill people can seek help and communicate their needs (I know because I am one!), those suffering issues at home or struggling financially, they can communicate their anxieties and frustrations without taking it out on you. Those who were too afraid of how great they could be, or too cowardly to embrace the future and abandoned you, they could have been brave. None of that, no other scenario, has anything to do with you. Feel that.

       Fourth and finally, feel love. Write down 50 things you love, some about yourself, some about life or things you've experienced, some about the people in your life, and anything else you can imagine. Do this everyday, even-especially-when you're struggling to allow yourself to forgive or to move on. Shifting your focus from hatred and feeling like a victim to love and feeling empowered, that brings so much peace and happiness to your day-to-day experience.

       I've personally had to practice and experiment a lot with forgiveness. I've had people come into my life and seriously screw me over or make me feel like trash- from abusive boyfriends to family members who couldn't have been worse to me if they tried. I've even had to forgive myself for squandering time I could have been building an empire with. So many people have called me "crazy" or "weak" for forgiving some of the stuff I have...but I think they're insane for thinking I'm going to allow that stuff to live in my body and mind when I only have one life to live, as far as I know. Nothing is guaranteed, and I'm not throwing away my shot for anyone, whether other people understand that or not.

       Healing is not linear. Please, don't beat yourself up if you flip flop between forgiving and resenting. Celebrate every win, be patient and honor every loss, and keep doing what is best for you. Feel it out, don't force yourself to pretend to feel something you don't, but don't neglect yourself or refuse help when you need it, too. Also, some people will be forgiven and allowed back into your life every time, like a best friend you misunderstood or a sibling you love to death but struggle to see eye-to-eye with. Maybe eventually, an ex you had a bad break up with years ago. Other people definitely don't deserve to do as they please in your life again, like someone who is a threat to your life or the lives of those under your charge, or people who influence you to make decisions you don't want to make. This is up to you to decide, in your own time. Communicate, especially if you're still wavering in how you feel toward the person. It's completely acceptable to say, "some days I still feel the weight of what you said/did, and I get angry again. Other days I've completely forgiven you. If I seem like I haven't made up my mind or withdraw sometimes, that's what's going on, please respect my space and my process through this." No matter, do what you can do, and be patient with yourself. 

       Forgiveness is for you.

     

        My love goes out to everyone who really needed to read this. Life serves us some troubling times, sometimes the people we loved and relied on most turn out to be our scariest monsters or worst enemies. Lost love, betrayal, abandonment, disappointment, being accused of things you never did, exclusion, all of these things absolutely hurt. You're allowed to feel that, you can react and allow yourself to be in the pain and grief as long as you need. When the time comes and you're ready, propel yourself forward and give yourself what they never could; whatever that means to you. Love and healing to you all. May your hearts heal and lives promote peace.

Self-Diagnosing Mental Illnesses

       The mental health movement has really taken off, and while we aren't at the end of the battle, society's awareness and the removal of the stigma surrounding mental illness has improved greatly, even since I was a pre-teen. That said, there's some trouble with individuals "cutting out the middle man" and instead of seeing a mental health specialist when they suspect unhealthy thinking/emotional patterns, just taking an online quiz or comparing themselves against a pop culture symbol of a disease and declaring that they have depression, anxiety, etc. This hurts them, and it can potentially create difficulties for those who really do have the disease. We need to talk about that. 

       Dangers of self-diagnosing 

        Let me walk you through a scenario. Sam hears about depression watching a TV show. It piqued Sam's interest, and Sam identified with the sadness, feelings of hopelessness and exclusion, and guilt. Sam then goes online and takes a screening quiz, which asks only about sadness, hopelessness, apathy, general discontent, changes in appetite, and if the person taking the quiz has experienced suicidal thoughts. Lo and behold, Sam gets a response saying there is a high risk or Sam displays many symptoms of having depression. Sam very well may have depression, this is true. However, let's take a look at all of the other mental illnesses that are associated with depression:

*Alcohol abuse/dependence

*Anxiety disorders (such as generalized anxiety, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, etc.)

*Depressive disorders (such as Seasonal Affective Disorder, Psychotic Depression, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, etc. )

*Bipolar Disorder

*Panic Disorder

*Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

*Eating Disorders (Anorexia, Binge Eating, Bulimia, Diabulimia, etc.)

*Schizophrenia

*Autism Spectrum Disorders

*Attachment Disorder

*Dissociative Fugue/Dissociative Amnesia

*Attachment Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder

        That's a pretty big list. Now let's look at all of the symptoms the screening didn't check for:

*Anxiety

*Mood Swings

*Trouble staying or falling asleep, insomnia, or excess tiredness

*Physical fatigue

*Agitation

*Excessive Crying

*Social Isolation

*Lack of Concentration

*Slowness in Activity

*Repetition of thoughts

       

       Sam now identifies as depressed. What Sam doesn't know, is he actually has bipolar disorder. In Sam's particular case, what is best treatment for what he's experiencing is 1 to 6 mg of Risperdal, and serious cognitive behavior therapy. However, since Sam took the quiz and was satisfied with that result, Sam's going to continue to struggle with his bipolar disorder and the other symptoms that comes along with it. The character struggling with depression didn't seek help and miraculously improved after having their friends intervene, so Sam thinks he'll be fine, too. A manic episode could result in him seriously harming himself or others, and proper treatment could significantly reduce the threat of that becoming an issue, but it's not being pursued now. 

       Why Mental Health Professionals and Programs Exist

        We can't come to discover all of our problems mental, emotional, or otherwise from a five minute self-reflection session. Sometimes we'll miss symptoms because our "normal" isn't actually healthy. Some disorders have symptoms we'd have never suspected, or we could really need help from meds in conjunction with therapy. Our minds are complex and fragile things, and we need to handle them responsibly. Occasionally, that means seeing someone who's studied it. 

       

       Mental healthcare providers can talk to us, help us figure out how we're doing and how we need to change our thinking, prescribe us tools like support animals, medications, referrals to support groups, etc. They're a third party who can help guide us through difficult times. I think a lot of people write off therapists as people whose only concern is to tell you you have something you don't, and take your money. This isn't true, and to continue to speak that way could potentially put lives at risk. Professionals play an important part in the role of aiding, relieving, and even rescuing those who suffer from mental illness, and giving them the lives they deserve. 

       How to Get the Help You Need

       If you are struggling with a mental illness, there's a few steps you can take to find the help you need. Firstly, write a list of things your concerned about. Are you experiencing suicidal thoughts, intense anger, sadness, moodiness, having trouble making connections with people, etc.? Whatever is going on that you're concerned about, be certain to write it down so you remember everything when you meet with a counselor. Secondly, look up mental health professionals in your area and make an appointment. It's perfectly fine to try a few so you know you have the right fit. To prepare for your appointment, you can look into different types of therapy and talk with your provider about what you think might work best for you. Be completely honest during your appointments, talking about what you're experiencing, things you worry your illness has caused you to do, (no matter how embarrassing or odd, there's nothing they haven't heard before, and they will be compassionate) and your family history. Thirdly, talk with those closest to you, having a matter-of-fact conversation with them about what's going on with you, what your concerns are, and how they can best support you. You can talk with them about warning signs that you're not doing well, what you're experiencing, what kinds of things you need to avoid, whatever you think they need to know, tell them. 

       For emergency services, calling 911 is always appropriate. You can walk into a hospital if you or a loved one is close to or has attempted suicide, or any other mental health emergency. For the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, call 1-800-273-8255. 

       Please, do not hesitate to get help if you're concerned or hurting. Do not dismiss unhealthy patterns, and do not underestimate the seriousness of mental health. You're worth doing things correctly!