Everyone has done a few things wrong every now and then. Whether it was an innocent mistake, a decision made out of ignorance or immaturity, or something done with wholly malicious intent, all of these incidents should be learning moments for us. We should look back on those moments, acknowledge that they were moments of weakness, learn how we can do better next time, apologize, take action to fix what is still fixable, and move forward. For those of us witnessing the wrongdoing, we should allow space for the person to learn and correct themselves, extend grace, and encourage character growth. I know with a surety that people absolutely can change. They just require the opportunity and compassion to do so. All of this taken into account, I believe there is an occasion where it is our moral obligation not to turn a blind eye...
This occasion occurs when someone continues to ignore their mistake, justify what they did, or try to distract you with frivolous and unrelated "good" things they've done recently. This demonstrates that they are not owning up to what they've done wrong and are doing nothing to grow from their past. This is a blatant display of deficiency in character.
We have a responsibility in these circumstances to see them for what they are and invest our time, energy, and loyalty in others. No one can outrun their past. They must face it and accept the consequences. When we dismiss what people do wrong because they show no interest in making things better, we contribute to the detriment of their character. Sometimes we need to point out that what someone did was wrong because they've never had the opportunity to learn any better. That's okay. They still need to be held responsible for what they've done and must correct it.
Even when someone does take action to right their wrongs, we are under no obligation to invite them back to our table. It is absolutely possible to forgive someone for what they've done, wish them well, and maintain your space. There are even times where that is the only responsible thing to do. For example, when someone has done something particularly abusive or malicious, it's probably best you set firm boundaries and maintain ample space. To read more on forgiveness specifically and what it means to me, you can read a past post I wrote here.
Recently, I've noticed a pattern that I know now feeds the core of many of the emotional traumas and stresses I've experienced. The pattern goes thus; Someone-a person, an organization, etc. does something morally reprehensible. I (alone or in the company of others) will know that this action is problematic. I'll speak up about it. What I say gets dismissed and the bad thing gets excused because "look at all these good things that they've done" or "they probably don't even realize they've done anything wrong in the first place". Sometimes I'm even met with the "it'll all come out in the wash" response. After that, I'm expected to just move on, sweep it under the rug, and be done with it.
I'm not satisfied with that. In fact, I'll no longer accept it, personally. I can't excuse the toxic behaviors of people or establishments anymore, especially not when I will have to interact with them in any personal capacity.
This isn't an idea I share to complain (though trust me, it feels good to write about!). Rather, I share my perspective with you, my dear readers, because no one ever shared it with me. It has always been and will continue to be my life's mission to be there for others in ways I was never supported. I want to tell you all that regardless of what has happened-from a mild spat during a stressful winter or full-on abuse, or even being tricked by a company, you are entitled to whatever your emotional response was. It is good that you recognize toxic behaviors. They should right their wrongs.
If you've ever been ostracized for a decision you've made or something you've said, especially to such a point where you feel embarrassed trying to fix it or even face that what you did really was wrong, I understand. You are human. I extend to you grace and privacy to work on yourself and grow and learn. You deserve the space to become a better person-a constant endeavor from birth to death. It's okay that you aren't perfect.
Peace and compassion are two elements I am optimistic that our society is making more use of. While we continue to learn to show compassion to our planet, I encourage you all to learn to show compassion to yourself and others. Stand firm where you must. Correct what needs correcting. Hold yourself accountable as you do others. Speak out, loudly when something needs saying. Never shy away from growth. Continue to build your character.
This occasion occurs when someone continues to ignore their mistake, justify what they did, or try to distract you with frivolous and unrelated "good" things they've done recently. This demonstrates that they are not owning up to what they've done wrong and are doing nothing to grow from their past. This is a blatant display of deficiency in character.
We have a responsibility in these circumstances to see them for what they are and invest our time, energy, and loyalty in others. No one can outrun their past. They must face it and accept the consequences. When we dismiss what people do wrong because they show no interest in making things better, we contribute to the detriment of their character. Sometimes we need to point out that what someone did was wrong because they've never had the opportunity to learn any better. That's okay. They still need to be held responsible for what they've done and must correct it.
Even when someone does take action to right their wrongs, we are under no obligation to invite them back to our table. It is absolutely possible to forgive someone for what they've done, wish them well, and maintain your space. There are even times where that is the only responsible thing to do. For example, when someone has done something particularly abusive or malicious, it's probably best you set firm boundaries and maintain ample space. To read more on forgiveness specifically and what it means to me, you can read a past post I wrote here.
Recently, I've noticed a pattern that I know now feeds the core of many of the emotional traumas and stresses I've experienced. The pattern goes thus; Someone-a person, an organization, etc. does something morally reprehensible. I (alone or in the company of others) will know that this action is problematic. I'll speak up about it. What I say gets dismissed and the bad thing gets excused because "look at all these good things that they've done" or "they probably don't even realize they've done anything wrong in the first place". Sometimes I'm even met with the "it'll all come out in the wash" response. After that, I'm expected to just move on, sweep it under the rug, and be done with it.
I'm not satisfied with that. In fact, I'll no longer accept it, personally. I can't excuse the toxic behaviors of people or establishments anymore, especially not when I will have to interact with them in any personal capacity.
This isn't an idea I share to complain (though trust me, it feels good to write about!). Rather, I share my perspective with you, my dear readers, because no one ever shared it with me. It has always been and will continue to be my life's mission to be there for others in ways I was never supported. I want to tell you all that regardless of what has happened-from a mild spat during a stressful winter or full-on abuse, or even being tricked by a company, you are entitled to whatever your emotional response was. It is good that you recognize toxic behaviors. They should right their wrongs.
If you've ever been ostracized for a decision you've made or something you've said, especially to such a point where you feel embarrassed trying to fix it or even face that what you did really was wrong, I understand. You are human. I extend to you grace and privacy to work on yourself and grow and learn. You deserve the space to become a better person-a constant endeavor from birth to death. It's okay that you aren't perfect.
Peace and compassion are two elements I am optimistic that our society is making more use of. While we continue to learn to show compassion to our planet, I encourage you all to learn to show compassion to yourself and others. Stand firm where you must. Correct what needs correcting. Hold yourself accountable as you do others. Speak out, loudly when something needs saying. Never shy away from growth. Continue to build your character.
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