Pursuing Passions

A Bit About Me

        I have a quarterly event where I watch the lifetime-style movie on J.K Rowling and literally bawl over how badly I want to get to where she is (aka be a well-published author). After I watch any Stephen King film, I have to hold myself while drinking my favorite cider because I know I'm not half the author Stephen is and why do I even try writing if I'm not the best? Also, I'm still obsessed with the things I wrote when I was eleven. 

       I am a mess.

       I'm a writer.

The trouble with it all

       So, I go to write and all is well. I get that rush, that feeling that says "this is all I ever want to do, this is my calling in life, I'm so excited about this story". I write for about two minutes, and then natural selection ala author comes for me, and I am reminded how awful I am at writing, and ask myself why I even bother. 

      A lot of the time, I feel like a fraud when I tell people I write, or when I'm writing. Sometimes, I don't even feel like I deserve to read already written books. Here's hoping my armani perfume can cover up the scent of all of my self-doubt!

A reminder that it's important to go after what you love most

        The fact of the matter is, I'm not a fraud when I go to write. I experience life through my writing. What do I do with my freetime? Write and study other writers. What do I do when I feel like crap about my writing? I write about it. What do I do when I eat a great meal or have a fun time? I write! You know what? I'm pretty good at it too-especially when you compare my (non-existent) math skills to my writing! 

       I would not be (queen) Beth without my writing, and any life I'm living where that isn't the focal point to my day is not a life I was meant to live. 

       I'm only sharing this because I know that most of my peers are at a place in their lives where they are laying down the foundation for what they want the rest of their lives to look like. Some of us are in college, studying what's necessary to have their dream careers. Some of us are nesting and preparing our homes and our minds for the expansion of our families. Regardless, we're all working on ourselves. We all want to be fantastic at something, and in the mean time we are becoming fantastic at something. That becoming process is hard, and often painful. It's hard to be patient. The period between birth and greatness is filled with awkwardness, messes, pain, confusion, doubt, etc. 

       Just trust me, stick with it and keep working with what you have. 

       My fifth grade teacher, Mr. Filsinger always said, "Practice makes permanent". I know I'm not interpreting this the way he meant it, but to me, that tells me that if i keep working at it, I'll always have a spot on the list of writers. I'll always be a writer. That's what I want, more than anything.