Getting to university in the first place
Personally, as much as I absolutely love being the classroom, I was terrified of going to school. I don't feel comfortable being in public places, especially where I'm not familiar with the layout or the people there. My anxiety had reached new heights in toxicity as I'd developed this unshakeable feeling that I was going to die soon when I'd been accepted to Boise State. This was a college I'd always thought about going to in the back of my mind. One day at work, when I'd decided I'd had enough of working regular jobs that didn't pay much and wanted to invest in something really worth my time, I applied to Boise State on a complete whim. The excitement I'd felt when I saw that I was accepted was the most excitement I'd felt in a long, long time. Despite all of the joy, I felt an immense fear. What would I do if I were minding my business on campus one day and someone I didn't know just opened fire? What if we pissed off the wrong country and Boise just happened to be the place that was bombed? With these completely outrageous ideas, I told myself my imagination was getting the best of me. All the same, I could not get these fears out of my head. Still, I'm a Gryffindor, and almost every day I've made the choice to walk onto campus paying little mind to the fears in the back of my mind."Being a Gryffindor" isn't always easy though. While I try to rally up my bravery and rely on my stubborn, obstinate rebellion against oppressive forces to get me to and from class every day, that can only take me so far. Something else that helped was making friends-a lot of them! Making friends with the other students helped to make the classroom a more welcoming and familiar place. I opened up a dialogue with some of my professors (my first and last professors of the day, typically) to let them know what I was struggling with so that we could be partners in helping me complete my education.
For help with this, I've learned that there are a few simple steps I could take towards coping with this fear. According to helpguide.org, the first thing to do is make a list of frightening situations pertaining to your fear. Not "this is the worst thing that could happen", but rather situations that make you most anxious. For example, I get a little nervous in populated parks, and extremely nervous on campus. Second, arrange the items from least scary to most scary on your list. For me, I'd write down "the apartment laundry room, the park, campus..." and so on. Third, work your way up the ladder. Place yourself in these situations with small goals, such as staying for at least five minutes or until you no longer feel anxious. The more you can expose yourself to the reality of how safe these situations actually are, the easier it will be for you to navigate your way through your fears. The fourth step is to stay in practice and be patient with yourself. Don't push yourself so hard that you do more harm than good. Take it easy!
Perfectionism
I'm not happy earning average grades in areas I know I'm capable of doing a lot better in. I'm obsessed with constantly pushing the envelope and trying to find out for myself what I can really do. That said, I have a habit of over-committing and then burning out. I panic or give up when I realize I'm not going to be able to make something all that I had wanted it to be. When I see that trying to assemble something when I'm mentally exhausted and energetically bruised doesn't produce my best work (duh) I get beyond angry with myself.An article published by the University of Michigan's Student Life Counseling and Psychological Services, the best thing to do to cope with perfectionism and anxiety surrounding school performance are to arm yourself with "alternative thoughts". For example, instead of thinking, "I'm such a failure for only receiving a ninety-eight instead of a one-hundred and ten" (real complaint I had this semester), think "I highly doubt the grade I earned on this test is going to impact what I'm doing a year from now". Removing yourself emotionally from the disappointment and worry and general frustration of not doing as well as you'd hoped and taking a second to remember the big picture can have a big impact on your emotional and mental health. Explore why alternative thoughts can benefit you. Set reasonable time frames for working on assignments so you know you're dedicating a responsible amount of time to your work without obsessing over anything. Learn how to separate criticisms of your work from criticisms of your person. Most importantly, be realistic about what you can do. If I'm taking a lot of classes, have a lot of personal drama going on, am in poor health, etc. I'm not going to be at my top game all of the time. That doesn't mean I have to be a failure. I have the choice to delegate responsibilities, make decisions about which assignment is more important, and communicate with my instructors when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Classes I'm less passionate about and enjoy less will probably get worse grades out of me than the classes I love more. Classes that are directly related to my major will receive more of my energy than the classes that are more for general foundation requirements. This is the way that I need to prioritize everything for myself.
Pent up energy and productivity
I can't tell you how many times I've buzzed in my chair wanting to do 20 other things instead of my assignment. I've tried to wrestle against my desire to clean my apartment and research topics I'm a lot more interested in or engage in passion projects as opposed to writing a short essay for my education class or watching dull movies for anthropology. I'd yell at myself about how I needed to be more responsible and just sit down and do my work instead of avoiding it. All of the nagging in the world doesn't help me accomplish anything, though.
I've learned that the best thing I can do is respect my energy. If right now my chest is just burning from how badly I want to spray down my yoga mat and vacuum instead of take notes on another story I've already read at least twice since middle school, then that's what is going to happen. If I can't focus on my work because I'd rather be writing a book on practical medicine or things no one ever told me as a child of multiple divorces, then I'm going to let myself write until I'm exhausted. The key to doing this is providing myself with ample time to complete an assignment. If there's a strong likelihood that it's going to be lower on my list of things I really want to do, then I'm going to try and jump into working on it as soon as possible. That way I can more accurately time when to work and how to strategically place my attention so that it more easily flows back to my school obligations. For example, to write this essay I had to allow myself to clean my apartment from top to bottom (the movement allowed me to think more clearly about what it was I really wanted to say) and then write a blog post pertaining to the essay (because as many ideas as I've had flowing, the MLA format just stole my energy flow away from me. I was more energized writing it in a blog format, so I did that first), taking breaks in between to read articles about various endangered species and practice yoga.
For all of the authors there are in the world, I haven't managed to find a lot of advice on how to balance my school life with working on creative projects. Writing a book is hard, and writing a book in conjunction with five essays can be even harder! The best piece of advice I've managed to find comes from a wonderful author and youtuber, Jenna Moreci. Jenna's advice such as communicate with people when you need to dedicate time to creating instead of hanging out, and prioritizing writing over lazing about.
For me, I had to re-design my academic career (aka pursue a different degree) that would allow me to study something that connects with my writing a bit more intimately. Creating a system where I could better respect my own energy flow has led to me being more productive and more comfortable with my long list of responsibilities. I really want to do everything! None of my classes bore me, because I'm passionate about school. However, now I can really enjoy accomplishing all of my goals as I trust my own process. So yes, make hard decisions and prioritize. Remember that sometimes the key to being able to accomplish more menial tasks is to allow yourself to produce more fulfilling things.
For me, I had to re-design my academic career (aka pursue a different degree) that would allow me to study something that connects with my writing a bit more intimately. Creating a system where I could better respect my own energy flow has led to me being more productive and more comfortable with my long list of responsibilities. I really want to do everything! None of my classes bore me, because I'm passionate about school. However, now I can really enjoy accomplishing all of my goals as I trust my own process. So yes, make hard decisions and prioritize. Remember that sometimes the key to being able to accomplish more menial tasks is to allow yourself to produce more fulfilling things.
The Most Important thing to know:
My greatest piece of advice ever on going to college, though, is just go! Take that risk! Put yourself in an environment that allows you to grow outside of your comfort zone and develop your mind. I've learned so much just about myself from only one semester at Boise State! Imagine how much you can nourish yourself when you take the leap and get in the classroom.Works Cited:
Moreci, Writing with Jenna. “How to Write with a Full-Time Job (or School) (or Life in General).” YouTube, YouTube, 21 Feb. 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BVQ5km8b34.
“M Counseling and Psychological Services.” U, caps.umich.edu/content/coping-perfectionism.
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