Hey all! So, I was asked by a couple of you to regularly keep track of my experiences and share any helpful insights I might earn on here, as a method of aiding you! Of course, I'm more than willing to do that, and I'm very excited to share with you how it's been!
Blessings:
By far, my friends! I have so many, and it's easy to forget that. With all of the memories I've made in the past three years though, I have to count them all as blessings. I'm so truly grateful for the laughs, the adventures, the love, the support, and the strength we've all offered one another. Some family is by blood, but this family is the best choice I've ever made. Another of course, is my cat. That little intuitive fur ball knows exactly what I need. I'm grateful for the many resources I have, be it my makeup, my laptop, my bed, my food, etc. I have so many things that make my life easier, and I'm glad to live such a privileged life. I'm grateful for my talents and passions, which take me exactly where I need to go. Most of all, I'm grateful for the experiences this life has brought me. My twenty years has already taught me so much about who I am, what I want, what my role in the universe is, and I can only imagine how much more I'll come to know as time passes. There's so much to learn in this world, so much to experience. We learn basic lessons like we don't heartbreak, we love to serve, nothing feels better than genuinely expressing gratitude and love, ketchup wasn't met for macaroni and cheese (fight me if you think otherwise!), etc. We always learn in the best ways for us. What a magical life we all live!
How Day One Went:
So, I expected better of myself, but I'm not mad! I caught myself mentally kind of going to more powerless/angry/disappointed places, but it wasn't in vain. I'd catch myself there, and I'd say "we can think that thought in about 30 days. For now, let's ease up on that gas pedal and head down this other way", and I let it go. There's something so comforting in knowing that I have the power to choose my thoughts. We fall into habits, but habits were made to be broken! I'm grateful for my ability to be present enough to choose a higher thought.
When I'm on the brink of sleep is usually when my anxieties set in. That's when I get a lot of "I'll never be able to do this", "I wish this was different", "This is the only thing I've ever regretted," etc. For a little while, I'd been so stuck in that feeling, I was scared I wasn't going to be able to think another happy thought for a long, long time. Like, we're talking weeks. That said, I offered up a kind of meditation, saying "I completely surrender this. I surrender these thoughts, I surrender my attachment to negative feelings and experiences, I give them all up. I want to be happy. I want to feel content." To give up on feeling negative feelings and choose to just feel better is a welcomed, relieving moment.
What Day One Taught Me:
I gained a firmer understanding of how much control we have over our thoughts and attitudes. I could have skipped out on a lot of fun and pursued my feelings of pure exhaustion after a segment of people time, but instead I pursued a higher feeling of love and friendship that led to a night filled with laughter! Due to my initial struggle to get things under control, I also realized that just because we aren't getting everything perfect at first doesn't mean we have to give up. I tend to have two settings: High angst perfectionist, or completely aloof apathy. To be able to take things as they are and just be satisfied with my best, that was a big step in the right direction for me!
One of my goals for this experience was to feel my own power return to me. I wanted to be reminded of how formidable I was, to remember that I move my own mountains. Flashes of that has come back, and it's exciting!
Mantras and Reminders I've Used
"Just trust. Juuuuuust trust. Everything is going to be fine. Just trust."
"We don't need to think about that right now, all it's doing is stressing us out. Let's calm down and think about something else." (Yes, I grew up with siblings in such a manner that even my inner monologue speaks in "we's" instead of "I's"!)
"This movie makes me happy...and so does this show...so does my cat...so do my friends..." AKA just trying to figure out where to go to get to higher land.
"You don't need to get there instantly, you just need to get there."
"Every moment spent like this is a moment spent well."
My Tips to Struggling Participants
So far, all I can really say is try and learn how to stay present, and choose to be in control of yourself. No one can make you angry, you choose to react that way to certain stimuli. You can turn it around as soon as you want to! More importantly, don't give up! It's early on in the game, you probably have a lot of negative habits to break (I know I do). Relax, and just take it one day at a time. Just because it's called "30 Day Challenge" doesn't mean it only can last 30 days, and that doesn't mean it has to be a challenge! If the going gets rough, just count your many lucky stars.
Every moment spent choosing to be loving or grateful is another moment you've grown stronger, and another moment you've grown closer to your goal! Anyone can do this, especially you!
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