Review: Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.

        Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is a precious and revealing tale written by Judy Blume about growing up a little different. Margaret Simon, the main character, has just moved from bustling New York City to a much quieter suburban town (Margaret's grandmother, Sylvia, would describe as country) in New Jersey. Margaret, months away from turning twelve, is naturally nervous. She immediately meets a well-intentioned, extraverted girl around the same age as her, Nancy Wheeler. Nancy seems to have no filter, but graciously takes Margaret under her wing and invites her to join her secret club after the first day of school. What Nancy lacks in delicacy and charm, she makes up for in savviness. Nancy knows all about what's cool, what's not, and what Margaret needs to do to fit in. This becomes our greatest driving force for the story's plot.

       Margaret is the perfect vessel for learning about the standard pre-teen experience. I saw a lot of myself in her, and I'm sure other former-pre-teens would say the same. She feels left out of her family's major decision-making moments (like moving), keeps significant qualities about herself to herself, and generally seems to be wriggling for her own space while trying to keep her world easy to navigate. She's assertive and trying to grow up with the least amount of pushback possible.

       "I love the way people always think they know somebody your age until you tell them how old you really are!" 

       

       Blume has a knack for absolutely nailing the inner-mind of a young girl. Published in 1970, some of the norms and concerns of the characters are a bit dated. I can honestly say I, nor any of my friends, seemed to much care when our classmates started developing (at least, not to the extent that we'd start scandalous rumors or disrespect them based on their development). We most certainly didn't dictate what other people wore, though there was a presence of concern about clothing to a greater extent in the rural community I'd spent my pre-teen years in. All the same, the way that Margaret processes the world around her is very similar to my own.

       I've been told many times throughout my life that to be intelligent is a very lonely thing. As we continue through the story, I was reminded of my own first twinges of discomfort as I began to learn from experience the truth of that, as Margaret does. We all, I'm sure, have tried to ignore or cut off or hide parts of who we are in an effort to connect a little better with others. Margaret is learning this via her spiritual experience. While the other families in her new community were all religious (either attending the Y or the Jewish Community Center), Margaret comes from an unreligious family and does not attend either. This excites the other girls in her secret club (the Four PTS's, or The Four Pre-Teen Sensations) and inspires them to bring the subject a little further than she'd have liked. When Margaret mentions in a writing prompt in class that she hates religious holidays (it's inferred that this is because of the familial pressure she experiences, as her mother comes from a devout Christian family and father a devout Jewish family, neither approving of the other) he pulls her aside and questions her for it. Margaret, in fact, has a much more personal and private relationship with God. She prays to him like they were on a first-name, comfortable basis. This is something she doesn't reveal to her parents or over-bearing grandmother, in an effort to avoid their reactions. Her uniqueness leads to confusion, fascination, and lots of prying from others. I wanted to step into the book and say, "Girl, I get you! Let's ditch these freaks and grab some gelato".

       On the rhetorical style of Judy Blume, I want to lead by stating that she is an absolute artist. Blume is an extraordinarily talented writer, and I believe her numerous works should be a staple in every household filled with children aged seven-twelve years old at least. She captures the youthful tone perfectly. While I was surprised to find a few simple typos throughout the book (come on! This is Judy Blume! She should have had some stellar editors backing her up), it's very clear that she cared deeply about her work. This was most certainly not a cheaply put together book for kids written by someone who just wanted to be able to brag about being published like we often find in more modern books. There was a lot of thought put into every detail and (brief, easy to read) chapter.

       Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is a splendid book. I really did enjoy reading it and reliving many moments in my own pre-teenhood. I'd recommend it to:

-Children aged seven through thirteen, for certain. They'll find a relatable character between the covers who shares similar concerns and finds similar solutions. Perhaps the perspective Margaret has will help them to evaluate their own!
-Adults in need of a dose of nostalgia or the opportunity to send a warm hug to their younger self. I know that this story provided me an opportunity to reflect on who I was at this age and send her some love.
-Anyone working in K-12 education. Especially those who teach in grades 4-8. This story will help you to empathize with your students and understand where they're coming from, as well as reflect on how quickly things have changed (and very much stayed the same) since 1970. This reflection, I believe, helps educators to greater understand the student psyche and how to serve their students.
-Parents. Intentional or not (I haven't decided yet, but I'm leaning towards absolutely intentional), Blume highlights many of the common parenting mistakes and mishandlings committed against pre-teens and teens. For example, Barbara Simon (Margaret's mom) has a habit of telling Margaret that she's going to be too much to handle when she's a teenager. This kind of rhetoric towards a child tends to make them feel disconnected, unwanted, guilty, and often sets the parent-child relationship during teenhood up for failure. Parents who really tap into their intuition can easily observe this as they read this book and many others pertaining to childhood.
-Anyone looking for a charming, yet impactful read!

A Fortress of Solitude

       Let me tell you something no one has ever told you before; No one is more entitled to your time than you.

       If you are reading this, it means I've just finished taking time out for myself! At the beginning of the week, I made the decision to care for myself and turn off my phone, ignore all social media, and turn my apartment into a fortress of solitude. Big things were coming around the corner that I realized I needed to prepare myself for, and I needed to take that preparation seriously. This would require complete alone time, uninterrupted by anyone else. Being completely alone is something I think everyone should do every so often, but a lot of people don't know how to give themselves permission to completely turn away from the demands of life and focus on themselves. I wanted to share how I approached this task.

       No one is more entitled to your time than you are.

       The first, most important step in successfully taking time to be alone with yourself is absolutely recognizing that you need to be your first priority. You can't give to others what you don't have. You must take care of yourself so you can go on to take care of others. 

       There may be people in your life who get frustrated when you take an entire twenty-four hours to be completely unavailable. That's okay. If you aren't the key to their salvation or the person they look to for food, shelter, safety, and a strong sense of identity (aka your children), then they can probably figure out how to manage their issues and meet their needs on their own. Your life's purpose is not to be a convenience to others. 

       I did make one exception for this rule of not speaking to anyone, and that was strictly to honor any obligations I had previously promised myself to (like seeing a brother briefly or handling time-sensitive documents). I also made a phone call to someone who was the momentary source of some heart-ache I was having so we could break through that wall and I could move forward. That alone time helped me to communicate clearly and receive what they were saying, and everything went a lot smoother than I think either of us had expected. 

       I see this time in a fortress of solitude not as a harsh silent protest, but deliberately doing what needs to be done with your best interest in mind. If you feel something needs to be addressed, address it. So long as you are able to muddle through all of the suppressed emotions and needs in your mind and get to the core of what needs to be taken care of, you're doing the right thing. 

       How to initiate the process.

       I learned from a wiser woman than myself that social/media fasts were amazing for the soul, but if not executed correctly, were no different than "ghosting" the people you care about. "Ghosting", if you didn't know, basically means to disappear on someone with no explanation. Especially if you have friends who suffer from anxiety or low self-esteem, this can be taxing on them. It's best to explain that your absence has nothing to do with them and everything to do with yourself. It's intentional. If you have a time frame for how long you'll be gone, let them know. If you don't tell them that, too. Either way, it's key to responsibly notify your community that they won't be able to reach you for quite some time. 

       An element I like to bring to this is gratitude. Gratitude is something I try my very best to bring to every situation I can. I let my friends know that they are a huge source of peace for me. Their efforts do not go unnoticed. They are valuable and I appreciate them, so very much. If you're not sure how to go about letting your loved ones know that you'll be out for a while, this is a wonderful approach.

       No one needs to know all of the gritty details. Maybe you're just fatigued and need a breather. Maybe you've been facing some difficult battles and need some time to recuperate. Maybe you have a big decision to make and need to be alone with your thoughts to figure out what to do. Whatever your reason, it's of no consequence to anyone else. It's personal, and if you're having a hard time figuring out how to explain it to everyone, it's probably for the best that you don't. While no one is entitled to your time, no one is entitled to your personal information, either. 

       The environment I created for myself.

       I really wanted to have complete freedom to go through my unique process completely on my own and with no distractions. I wanted to move how I needed to move, say what I needed to say, and just really meet my needs freely and with no regulation. I closed all of the blinds and windows. I locked everything with a lock. I set my thermostat precisely where I liked it. I placed the furniture where I wanted it to be. It was me time, and the energy flow was up to me. 

       I powered down my laptop, but because I knew I had an important call to take that I had already promised to answer before deciding to retreat into solitude, I left my phone on for an hour. The lights were low and everything was comfortable and cool and as I wanted it to be. If you can't make a big shift in your environment, try to create a small nook in your own space that could be a good place for you to just be for a while. 

       What activities I engaged in.

       This was time for me to be there for myself. When my environment was settled and I had established everything that needed to be established, I started to take inventory with myself. I asked myself to put words to my sensations. What was coming around the corner? What wisdom did I already have to help me handle those things? I wrote out my thoughts until my mind was empty. I'm concerned about "X". I know "Y". I can apply this knowledge in this manner. This is what I can do to keep this knowledge at the forefront of my mind. 

       Another thing I did to help maintain the flow of energy was to take a relaxing bath. Being in a comforting (amazing smelling) bath helped me to generate new thoughts. These were thoughts of gratitude and realization of blessings I'd been aware of but hadn't really felt the full weight of. It was pure bliss to recognize how the universe conspires in my favor and how much I really had. 

       I think the greatest thing I had done for myself was to clean my apartment. Cleaning isn't something I'm shy about, but this was a different, more meaningful cleansing process. I was cleaning with an intention. Cleaning my kitchen I thought about what nourished my body and spirit and what I needed to cut out. The living room helped me reflect on how I was living and where I'd experienced backslides and progress in recent times. Going through every room, I tried to see things through the eyes of mother. What enhanced my maternal energy, something I've always felt extremely connected to? If I had a mother in that room with me who loved me deeply and knew me as well as a mother should, what would she be teaching me? I learned so much from that process.

       After I'd retreated within myself some more and reflected on solutions I needed to find and new perspectives I needed to sit with, it was time to turn my attention towards the great minds I trusted to learn from. I looked through old journals and found talks that delivered wisdom I needed to hear. Much of what I learned were things I already knew but needed to learn on a deeper level. The healing truly came when I heard words that gave me permission to continue caring for myself. 

       Finally, I allowed myself to have an important conversation I needed to have with someone. I knew I was hooked on something that was inhibiting my process. We both needed clarity and resolution. The conversation was one I didn't know how to start, and it was difficult at first for me to stay focused on what I needed to say. However, when we grew in understanding of each other, a solution came forward. Being able to let that pressing issue rest, I went on to tackle other issues.

       When you're ready to return to life as usual.

       I think a good time to exit your solitude is when you can peacefully stand in your power. You've addressed concerns. You've uncovered solutions. You've made peace with yourself and developed a strong understanding of key concepts to figure out your path to success. When the concerns have stopped flooding and you feel like yourself again, you're ready.

       Some issues might be bigger than you for the time being or may require a lot of revisiting and continuous work. That's fine! Handle what you can for now and hang tight to those tools that help you remember who you are and how to achieve your goals.

       Remember, you time is for YOU! You get to decide how much you need and what to do with it. 

       Wishing you all of the healing and strength you may need to conquer whatever comes your way. 

A Practical Approach to Conflict

       Welcome to the 21st century, where everyone thinks they're right and no one knows they're wrong. Listen, there are plenty of things to take personally. We should all stand in our truth and have meaningful thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. However, we would all be a lot more productive if we knew when to disengage (and trust me, I am not innocent). When conflict strikes, here's how to handle things in a manner that de-escalates, heals, and could possibly even bring people together:

Leave the ego at the door

       Your ego is your self-preservation system. It alerts you to when things are offensive, disrespectful, below us, dangerous, etc. While ego can be extremely helpful, it can also be extremely troublesome. Hear me now, whether someone agrees with you or not, whether someone knows the extent of your knowledge or credentials or not, whether someone likes you or not, none of those things make a difference in your quality of life. If you are offended by someone disagreeing with you, you need to disengage immediately. If you think less of an individual because they think differently, you need to disengage immediately. If you aren't willing to patiently teach someone, disengage. You can not have a conversation that leads to progress and healing if you are involving your ego; and if progress and healing isn't your goal, then what are you involved for? 

       When conflict is personal, ego needs to be pushed even further out. There are two things everyone needs to keep at the forefront of their minds; Firstly, there is no need to make people wrong just because they've had a different experience than you. We all have different perspectives on the same exact events. What one thing meant to me will mean something completely different to you. Our priorities are different. My code of honor is different than yours. That holds no bearing on who is right or wrong. You must maintain respect for the other person and allow them space to speak their truth and express what they believe. If you can't extend enough grace to the other person to own where they've been, then you are not ready for the conversation. You have a right to your opinions and experiences. So do they.

       Secondly, other people's opinions of you are none of your business. Yes, you read that correctly. That is a sentiment echoed by nearly every person I have ever looked to for spiritual guidance and healing. You don't need to know what I think of you. What I think of you does not take away your access to food, water, and shelter. What I think of you does not rob you of every job opportunity you could ever have. If I think you're an absolute idiot or an absolute genius, it has no impact on your quality of life. You can not concern yourself with the opinions of others. That statement is far easier said than done, especially when you're a perfectionist or raised to earn your parent's approval. I understand! All the same, you need to practice not worrying about other people's perception of you. Stand in your peace.

It doesn't have to be anyone's fault

       Responsibility for what happened doesn't have to fall on anyone's shoulders. Who is obligated to do what is not the point. If you want to handle conflict maturely, you need to own up to what you can do now in this moment to fix the problem, engage in the solution, and leave everything else alone. It doesn't matter what you or anyone else should have known or could have done differently. History has happened and rewriting it doesn't erase the reality you are living in. Concern yourself with what can be done. Apologize, make proper amends, and proceed forward.

       So often we get caught up in what could have been. I understand that daydreaming about how different life can be or living in a different dimension where your problems never occurred can be intoxicating. Passing off all of the responsibility for what transpired on another person can feel wonderful when you've been carrying around guilt. None of that is necessary, though. There's no point in feeling guilty or trying to make someone else feel guilty. Guilt has no place in the healing process for anyone. Toss blame aside and become solution-oriented instead.

Stand in your truth

       Being right is never the point of a conversation that is addressing wounds or trauma. However, you never need to put up with being bullied or having others put words in your mouth. Tell your truth. Tell your story. You do not need to have the other person agree with you, but if your story is relevant, it needs to be told and it needs to be told as it truly was. Speak with honesty. 

        Part of being honest is providing evidence to claims. Do not shy away from being clear. Tell the story, tell it with respect, but tell it. 

Learn when to walk away

       You can recognize fairly early in a conversation when the resolution is just not going to be found. Whether it's because the other person likes to fight or you're just not willing to concede doesn't matter. Excuse yourself when the conversation is no longer productive. You don't have to participate in someone else's anger. You don't have to be present for their immaturity. The best thing you can do for your sanity is respectfully declining to continue the conversation any further and move on. You have the power to withdraw your presence from spaces where it isn't deserved. Remember that. 

Exist in a space of grace

       We don't know what we don't know. We are all trying to navigate life to the best of our ability despite all of these unknown factors. The truth is, no one really knows better than anyone else. Sometimes we just make a lot of lucky guesses. We will make mistakes-plenty of them. When we make mistakes, we need to seek forgiveness and do everything we can to learn from them and not repeat them again. Just as we would hope someone else could allow us the space to make mistakes and forgive us when we recognize what we've done, we need to allow those same luxuries to every other person who crosses our path. Be gentle. Be forgiving. Cultivate progress. 

Art featured: A drawing I produced while thinking about this topic. 

How to Clean Like You Know What You're Doing

       Maybe this is me being weird, but I adore cleaning. I love when my house is clean, organized, and fresh smelling! It feels like starting over, in the best of ways. So many people overcomplicate cleaning or make it more expensive than it needs to be. I thought I'd compile a list of cleaning tips to help everyone. Some of these I've learned through experimenting, others I've picked up from experts I love to learn from!

       You'll notice that many of these recipes have the same/similar ingredients. That's because proper cleaning really doesn't require you have cabinets filled with ridiculous amounts of cleaning products. You don't need to buy tons of one-use plastic bottles (headed to the landfills when you're done) loaded with chemicals (that harm the environment, your lungs, and your endocrine system) to have a clean house. It's important to me that we all put in some effort in reducing waste and using ingredients that are beneficial for our environment. Using re-usable glass spray bottles or re-using our old plastic spray bottles is a great step in achieving this goal. 

All Purpose Cleaner Recipe

1 3/4 cup water
1/3 cup white vinegar
10 drops essential oil (for cleaning my go-to's are tea tree (melaleuca) oil, lemon, or clove.)

Yoga Mat Cleaner Recipe

water (you want it to take up just over half the spray bottle)
witch hazel (about 1/4 of the spray bottle)
3 drops of tea tree oil
3 drops lavender or clary sage oil (lavender will work best for most people, but I am a huge clary sage fan!)
Vinegar can be used instead of witch hazel, it really comes down to preference.

Carpet Cleaner Recipe

1/4 teaspoon of liquid castile soap (clear dish soap will also work)

1 cup of water (use distilled if you have hard water!!)

1/4 cup seltzer water (NOT CLUB SODA)

1/2 cup vinegar

If there is a bad stain, pre-treat the carpet with hot water, peroxide, and lemon oil.

Laundry Recipe

Pre-treat with a vinegar soak (1 part vinegar to one part water).

Use 1/8 cup of liquid castile soap (double that if you don't have a HE washer) and 1/3 cup of baking soda.

Consider adding 1/2 cup of vinegar and about 3-5 drops of lavender oil to the rinse cycle, as well.

Laundry Machine-Adding about a quart of vinegar and having it run a cycle should be enough.

Walls and Wood Recipe

Adding about 3 tablespoons of castile soap to a bucket of warm water and using a microfiber cloth should do the trick. However, consider these additives for certain disasters-

1/4 cup of Isopropyl alcohol- For markers on walls.

White chalk- For super greasy stains on walls, cover them in white chalk, wait a few minutes, then wipe off with a warm, damp cloth.

Vinegar-If you just need a little extra umph.

Dishwasher

In one container on the bottom rack, fill with vinegar. In another on the top rack, fill with baking soda. If something somehow got stuck on the dishwasher, simply scrubbing it with vinegar and water should suffice.

Oven and Stove

Stove top-A mixture of warm water, teaspoon of dish soap, and some vinegar will go a long way.

Overhead fan-If you've got lots of super stubborn grease build up, the best solution I've found so far is using mineral oil or water-proof eye makeup remover on a warm rag. Seriously! 

Overhead fan filter-A cup of oxiclean and a big bucket of warm water. Soak for 30 minutes. 

Oven- Sprinkle with a generous layer of baking soda. Wet the layer with vinegar (spray bottle is best). Leave to sit overnight. Scrub away with a damp sponge.

Blender Procedure

Add 2 cups of warm water and 1-3 drops of dish soap. Blend. Rinse. You're welcome.

Vacuums (my personal favorite)

Foam filter-Rinse the foam filter (if your vacuum has one) with warm water and soap. Add 2-5 drops of your favorite essential oils, and allow to fully and completely dry before placing in the vacuum again. It'll make your house smell a LOT better! PS, you should be cleaning your foam filters at least once a month!

Cartridge filter-You should treat this with care. Simply removing it and tapping the dust out (GENTLY) should be enough.

HEPA filter- You do NOT clean this. Ever. AT ALL. Replace it about once a year.

Brush roller- Trim and remove any long hairs or fibers wrapped around it and wipe it down with some diluted tea tree oil.

Whole vacuum- laying a trail of baking soda and antibacterial oil (1-2 drops is all you need) and vacuum.

Good luck and happy cleaning!

A Word on Character

       Everyone has done a few things wrong every now and then. Whether it was an innocent mistake, a decision made out of ignorance or immaturity, or something done with wholly malicious intent, all of these incidents should be learning moments for us. We should look back on those moments, acknowledge that they were moments of weakness, learn how we can do better next time, apologize, take action to fix what is still fixable, and move forward. For those of us witnessing the wrongdoing, we should allow space for the person to learn and correct themselves, extend grace, and encourage character growth. I know with a surety that people absolutely can change. They just require the opportunity and compassion to do so. All of this taken into account, I believe there is an occasion where it is our moral obligation not to turn a blind eye...

       This occasion occurs when someone continues to ignore their mistake, justify what they did, or try to distract you with frivolous and unrelated "good" things they've done recently. This demonstrates that they are not owning up to what they've done wrong and are doing nothing to grow from their past. This is a blatant display of deficiency in character.

       We have a responsibility in these circumstances to see them for what they are and invest our time, energy, and loyalty in others. No one can outrun their past. They must face it and accept the consequences. When we dismiss what people do wrong because they show no interest in making things better, we contribute to the detriment of their character. Sometimes we need to point out that what someone did was wrong because they've never had the opportunity to learn any better. That's okay. They still need to be held responsible for what they've done and must correct it.

       Even when someone does take action to right their wrongs, we are under no obligation to invite them back to our table. It is absolutely possible to forgive someone for what they've done, wish them well, and maintain your space. There are even times where that is the only responsible thing to do. For example, when someone has done something particularly abusive or malicious, it's probably best you set firm boundaries and maintain ample space. To read more on forgiveness specifically and what it means to me, you can read a past post I wrote here.

       Recently, I've noticed a pattern that I know now feeds the core of many of the emotional traumas and stresses I've experienced. The pattern goes thus; Someone-a person, an organization, etc. does something morally reprehensible. I (alone or in the company of others) will know that this action is problematic. I'll speak up about it. What I say gets dismissed and the bad thing gets excused because "look at all these good things that they've done" or "they probably don't even realize they've done anything wrong in the first place". Sometimes I'm even met with the "it'll all come out in the wash" response. After that, I'm expected to just move on, sweep it under the rug, and be done with it.

       I'm not satisfied with that. In fact, I'll no longer accept it, personally. I can't excuse the toxic behaviors of people or establishments anymore, especially not when I will have to interact with them in any personal capacity.

       This isn't an idea I share to complain (though trust me, it feels good to write about!). Rather, I share my perspective with you, my dear readers, because no one ever shared it with me. It has always been and will continue to be my life's mission to be there for others in ways I was never supported. I want to tell you all that regardless of what has happened-from a mild spat during a stressful winter or full-on abuse, or even being tricked by a company, you are entitled to whatever your emotional response was. It is good that you recognize toxic behaviors. They should right their wrongs.

       If you've ever been ostracized for a decision you've made or something you've said, especially to such a point where you feel embarrassed trying to fix it or even face that what you did really was wrong, I understand. You are human. I extend to you grace and privacy to work on yourself and grow and learn. You deserve the space to become a better person-a constant endeavor from birth to death. It's okay that you aren't perfect.

       Peace and compassion are two elements I am optimistic that our society is making more use of. While we continue to learn to show compassion to our planet, I encourage you all to learn to show compassion to yourself and others. Stand firm where you must. Correct what needs correcting. Hold yourself accountable as you do others. Speak out, loudly when something needs saying. Never shy away from growth. Continue to build your character.

Tips for Transitioning to a Vegan Lifestyle

       I've recently discovered that veganism is beginning to take the world by storm! From popular 30 day vegan challenges to Beyond Meat stock becoming so huge, veganism is really getting some attention. I'm so grateful for this development in our society! Here's a list of tips to help you start your vegan journey in a sustainable way.

Cut out the canned stuff and opt for bulk foods.

       It does not take that long to cook beans and rice when you really think about it! Bringing your own refillable glass jars or bags and buying beans and rice (and everything else!) in bulk is not only easier on your wallet, but fantastic for the environment, too! If this isn't an option for you, there are pre-packaged bags of beans/rice available in paper on occasion, and plastic as well (though, plastic is not as desirable). 

       I make this work by setting them out to soak in a big pot of covered water (sometimes salted, sometimes not) the night before or the morning of the day I want to cook them. I almost always cook them in mass batches that last me a few days. Planning meals ahead of time may be a different experience for you, but it is so worth it and really not anywhere near as difficult to do as people make it out to seem. 

       It should be noted that canned products often have an excess of salt as well as preservatives that aren't the best for our bodies. If you're trying to take care of your heart or balance your hormones, you'll really want to go the extra mile and avoid canned products at all costs!

Track. Your. Nutrients.

       First of all, as soon as you switch to a vegan diet, everyone will be asking "oh, where do you get your protein from" and drive you insane. You may also start to worry as the pseudo-scientists start to hound you about calcium. Tracking your nutrients will confirm to you that you are in fact consuming protein (despite it not being sourced in a carcass that will go rancid in your gut). 

       Second of all, tracking your nutrients will help you become more familiar with what foods you need to eat more of and what you should cut back on. You can become empowered and in control of what happens with your body as you continue on your journey. 

       I (along with many other vegans, it seems) use the cronometer app to track what I eat. It tracks all of my macros, vitamins, minerals, and all sorts of amino acids and fats. It also tracks water intake (including water you ate). I love that it shows me everything I need to know, and also takes into consideration my exercise, weight, and weight goals (losing, gaining, or maintaining). Many of my vegan recipes are saved on it, too! 

Don't be Afraid to Supplement.

       If you're transitioning from a junkier diet or using a lot of mock meats and fries, you probably aren't extra familiar with what to eat to meet all of your needs (and frankly, probably already need to supplement). There are plenty of supplements out there that are vegan-friendly. I love the Garden of Life brand supplements (I'm going to eventually start taking their prenatal vitamins) because they're ethically sourced and derived from actual plants as opposed to synthetics and fillers. I don't think everyone needs to take supplements for the rest of their life. They're just a good fail-safe while you're still learning how to eat properly!

       Quick note, many people are afraid of being low on Vitamin B-12 on a vegan diet. I get more than enough B-12 from my probiotics, which I'll address in a second. Another great option is using nutritional yeast. Many brands sell b-12 fortified nutritional yeast, just be sure to read the label! 

Heal your Digestive System

       The standard American diet (often referred to as the S.A.D. diet) is harsh on our systems. Many of us suffer from leaky gut syndrome, in addition to many other digestive disorders. Your gut may not be loaded with the bacteria needed to properly break down healthy fats and proteins and absorb them. Healthy bacteria is good for your mood, digestion, and even breaking some bad food addictions! 

       I use Garden of Life's Raw Probiotics for Women. I love that they are soil based so they're easier to digest, and they have no fillers or carriers like dextrose. They also have vitamin B-12 and selenium (which is awesome for the thyroid). Definitely look for probiotics that are alive and diverse. If you have a harder time with digestion, look into taking things like papaya! 

Be Daring with Food

       Veganism has taught me just how diverse food can really be. There's so much more we can do to food to bring out its different flavors and textures. Did you know you can roast a head of cauliflower and make it absolutely deliciously crusted? Chickpeas make fantastic pizza crusts. Tacos taste awesome when they're filled with black beans and guacamole and tomato! There's so much more you can do with food when you stop making meat the star of the plate and really branch out with fruits and vegetables. Try new stuff!
       I'm lucky enough to have a foodie husband (who is precious and I love him so dearly omg) who inspires me often in the kitchen. I'd be lying if I said that I don't feel a competitive drive to produce the most delicious and complex meals I can to out-do his omnivore meals and prove to him once and for all that vegan meals aren't bland! But every now and then, even I need a little extra help to figure out what I want to eat. I love browsing Pinterest and Instagram to find different foods I want to try. The foods always look so pretty, and I promise that just because a meal looks incredible, that doesn't mean it's impossible or even difficult to make! Try everything! 

Find Your Reason to Stay Committed

       Veganism touches so many different aspects of our lives, but it can be really difficult when everyone else around you is eating differently and animal products are in so many things! There are so many reasons to stay in the boat, though! Vegans as a population have a far healthier BMI average than other populations. Vegan hearts tend to be healthier. Nothing died for your meal. No animals had to be abused or separated from their mother. The environment is healthier. You can eat more. Whatever touches your heart the most, hang on to that when you are struggling!

Surround Yourself with Support and Reliable Information

       Find online vegan communities. Follow vegan influencers. They'll fill your feeds with vegan recipes, news, and support! When it comes to research, really pay attention to where the funding for the study comes from. Sources of funding have a pitiful influence on the scientific community and the integrity of studies. Research with wisdom!

       It's extremely important to learn the facts about what you eat, what you buy, legal protections animals or the dairy industry have, companies who push leather...on and on the list goes. As you learn, drop the superstition, too! You can get everything you need from your food. You do not need meat to get all of your essential amino acids. You get your protein from the same place their meat gets its protein from. Hunter-gatherer tribes we're descended from had very different lifestyles from the way we live now and the diet they had is not what we need now. Carbs don't make you fat, you need all macros to survive. There's so much nonsense society clings to in an attempt to avoid change. Empower yourself with knowledge. 

You Don't Have to be Perfect

       If eating with non-vegans in situations where vegan options are few and far between is fairly common for you, it's perfectly okay for you to be the kind of vegan who is vegan at home and eats animal-based products when at social events. If you eat cheese once or accidentally consume something with milk in it, that's okay! That doesn't make you a "bad vegan" or mean you have to be damned to a life filled with hot dogs and liver. Every vegan meal you have, leather product you avoid, etc. is a huge win for your body, conscience, and the environment. Varying from that path doesn't make those wins any less effective or powerful. Be easy on yourself!

You've Got This!!!!

       Veganism isn't just a diet, though diet is the hardest aspect to tackle for most. Veganism is a lifestyle in which you choose not to exploit or harm animals. That means not consuming them, their byproducts, or using products that are detrimental to their health or survival. This is not an overnight thing! You will get better at this as time goes by. Just keep leading with your heart, and it will all fall into place. Living harmoniously with mother earth and the rest of her inhabitants is very possible!

       I'm so proud of all of my friends and readers alike who are trying to be more health-conscious as well as treating the planet more compassionately. Whether you're starting by eating an all vegan meal once a week or by banning all plastic and animal products and starting your very own garden or anywhere in between, every positive change counts! Stick with it!

Books That Changed My Life

       Summer is practically here and that means many of us will (hopefully) be taking some time to read more books! Quick side note, reading is extremely important for enhancing cognitive function and strengthening empathy. These are important strengths to have if you really want to be a contributing member of earthling society. Please. For the love of all that's good. Read a book! Or five.

       Anyways, I'm known as something of a book whisperer and literary enthusiast. Therefore, I feel it's only right I share a list of books I feel everyone needs to get their hands on! Really, it's the debt I owe to society. Without further ado, here's my list of books you absolutely must get your nose stuck in!

Classics

Arabian Nights- An anthology really of old Arabic folk tales. It can be a little much for those sensitive to topics such as domestic violence and social injustice in general, but I find the narrative rich nonetheless. The Arabian Nights really is a great example of incredible story craftsmanship as it takes readers from adventure to adventure.  

Notre-Dame de Paris or The Hunchback of Notre-Dame- The actual french gothic by Victor Hugo is a far more heartbreaking but beautiful tale than what the Disney machine popularly portrayed. It takes place in the late 1400's and let me warn you now, Victor Hugo gets real. If you're familiar with Les Miserables, you know just how dark this book can get. All the same, I regard it as an incredible work of art and something everyone needs to read at least once. 

The Count of Monte Cristo-This is a heartwrenching story by Alexandre Dumas (The same lad who wrote The Three Musketeers). You absolutely must read the unabridged version of this or I will simply throw a fit. The betrayal...the revenge...it's absolutely delightful. Something I feel I must point out about this book-this is an expansion on ideas first suggested by Dumas' partnering ghostwriter, Auguste Maquet. Le Comte de Monte-Cristo is filled with so many layers of rich narrative, one of the many themes being the naivete of blind trust. One can't help but wonder what inspired the story in Maquet's mind, or the fine connecting pieces which Dumas produced.

Contemporary Fiction

Animal Farm-I first read this book in seventh grade and it was the beginning of my political identity. While I'm never as outspoken about politics as my brother closest to me in age, this planted a seed of social awareness within me. If you're just beginning to explore your political side, this is a great book to start with! After you read this, check out some of Orwell's other works! Everyone else will point you directly to 1984, but personally, I think Homage to Catalonia needs more love.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane-I am a gigantic Neil Gaiman fan. I frequently watch Coraline when I'm having a tough day, and I watch Stardust when I haven't been inspired in a while. However, when it comes to the reading experience, The Ocean at the End of the Lane just does it for me! Gaiman is the best at writing interesting characters, and Lettie Hempstock is one of the most intriguing characters I've ever come across. Read all of Gaiman's stuff, but start here!

Harry Potter-I was born two months after Sorcerer's Stone was published, so I regard J.K. Rowling as my actual zodiac. I grew up going to the movie premieres and book releases with my mom. I remember this one sweater I had was pink and magenta and made me feel so much like Hermione Granger when I wore it! The Harry Potter books have really impacted my generation. While it was published as a children's book, it's no secret that many read it for the first time or revisit the series as an adult. There's so much more we can take away from the novels in terms of coping with grief, friendship, and what bravery really looks like. Everyone needs to read the books at least once.

Children's Books

Matilda-My love for this book began when I first saw the movie starring Danny DeVito and Mara Wilson. Something about Matilda was so relatable and incredibly inspiring. I wished I could be her. Being her would solve so many of my problems! Her story was a window into freedom in a time when I felt incredibly trapped. She was my hero. The author, Roald Dahl, is an amazing author. He's written so many children's staples from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to The B.F.G. Roald Dahl is one of my many idols.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer-I loved this book so much. I was young when I first read it in school and I felt like such an intellectual (oh boy do I laugh at myself, now!) for having read it. This is a wonderful book that explores childhood and life by the Mississippi. While I am a true and dedicated north-westerner, and would never purposely establish my roots anywhere beyond Yellowstone, this book made me want to explore the south. Just a little bit. 

Lord of the Flies-This was the first book to ever make me emotional. Maybe it's because I have a strong maternal streak, but I hurt for those children. I was afraid for them. Piggy absolutely broke my heart into a billion pieces. It was the hardest book I've ever fought to get through, but it is absolutely worth the read if you've somehow managed to escape high school without being subjected to it. 

Mystery and Thrillers

Murder on the Orient Express-This is a classic Agatha Christie novel. As the title infers, a murder happens on a train and the passengers all get interrogated. Something that makes the Agatha Christie novels magical for me is the fact that she, herself, was part of her own mystery. To put it briefly, she went missing for a while and came back claiming to have amnesia. Her story is worth looking into. 

The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle-First of all, Stuart Turton is an underrated genius and everyone needs this book. He's announced a new book coming out in 2020 and I. Am. Ready. In this book, the victim dies over and over and over again as Aiden wakes up in the body of a different guest at the party which the death occurred. It's just so good. You have to read it!

One for the Money-Okay, yes. Janet Evanovich does, in fact, write what my mother lovingly refers to as "smutty novels". But truly? These are some damn good books! I started reading them when I was about eleven or twelve years old, and I've got to be honest...the actual storylines within the books are addictive. Stephanie Plum is a hilarious character. She loses her job as a lingerie buyer for a company and goes to her cousin for a job, and the story just takes off from there. If you can't get through some romance here and there, this is an awesome (and somehow really relatable? What's wrong with me?) series to dive into. 

Books that Everyone Should Read for the Sake of My Sanity

The Phantom of the Opera- I grew up watching teenage girls and their boyfriends dress up as Christine and the Phantom for Halloween and I cringed every time. Andrew Lloyd Webber did a beautiful job with the musical, that's true. However, the original story, Le Fantôme de l'Opéra, written by Gaston Leroux is much darker than the musical adaptation. The Phantom was still an abusive psycho (honestly people, stop romanticizing him! He's not a good dude!) in the musical, but in the book he sexually assaults Christine a lot more than just making her kiss him in exchange for her lover's life. The whole thing is very problematic in any format, but I really hope more people read the book and see the story for what it really is. 

H.P. Lovecraft's Great Tales of Horror- Everyone has heard of Cthulu, and that's a good start. I really need people to start talking about the other stories like The Rats in the Walls or The Cats of Ulthar. He's written amazing stories and they're all so underrated. Please, let's begin a Lovecraftian revolution. 

The Complete Works of Shakespeare-You have to be well-versed in Shakespeare to participate in society nowadays. I swear, Shakespeare made this world what it is. Read Romeo and Juliet and see why it's really stupid and not romantic at bloody all. Read A Midsummer Night's Dream and figure out if you're team Lysander or team Demetrius. Read Macbeth to figure out how to take over Scotland. It's all important. 

       I just hope you all get in some reading time over the summer. Whatever it is, time spent reading is never wasted.

Friendship Drama; How I Handle it

       I'm very fortunate for so many reasons, and my friendships absolutely top that list. You will never meet a more loyal bunch than the people I call "friends". There are so many times I feel simply inadequate when I think of how great they are to me.

       Recently, I learned a big lesson in friendship; They always recover. Let me spill the tea and share how I mopped it up!

       If you are in my personal circle, you know I went through a big lifestyle transition not too long ago. Sometimes a fire continues to burn days after you've razed a city. There's one aspect of my old life that I'd shared in common with nearly every single one of my best friends, and many of them still actively participated in it.

       Upon first departure from this aspect (okay, I'll name it. I left the mormon church!) I had been determined to harbor love for it despite how worn it had left me. "It's good for others, just not for me" had been my mantra, and I still wanted great things for that community. However, at some point I stumbled and fell down the rabbit hole and began educating myself on the real history of the church, as well as finally calling a spade a spade and coming to terms with the abuses I'd experienced and other toxic practices I'd tolerated. I was slowly losing my patience and grace for the church and it was harder every day for me to hold my tongue.

       I had moved from a state of peace to a state of resentment towards the church, and as much as I tried to fight against that transition for the sake of my invaluable friendships, it was getting the better of me. As my anger got the better of me, it got the better of my friendship with someone I love so, so much until we eventually came to an explosion.

       The "break up" was painful. I felt so empty. Here I'd lost this person who had meant so much to me. It had been my decision to break ties in the first place. I'd determined that if I was going to be this angry at something that they held so dear, I wasn't capable of being the friend they needed. The only responsible thing for me to do, in my mind, was to finally break things off. At first I missed this person deeply, and would quickly shut my thoughts of missing them off with a "it doesn't matter that you miss XXXXX. It doesn't change anything." Eventually, though, it evolved into a depth of missing them that far surpassed my jaded belief. There were too many things that reminded me of this person. I had too many memes to share and memories to reflect on. I'd decided to try my luck on my luckiest day, St. Patrick's Day. Nothing bad had ever happened to me on that day in my two decades of life, and it couldn't fail me now. I was nervous that this person wouldn't respond, or worse, would respond with anger. Nevertheless, I sent an ice breaker and hoped for the best; The best came.

       From there we talked a bit, and then the flood gates broke and we confessed how much we missed each other. We mended things over and well...the rest is history!

       My advice to everyone who is dealing with issues with people they hold dear is:
    

 Figure out what the real source of the issue is.

       Is it that the other person makes you feel inadequate? Are there recurring issues that persist after they've been addressed? Are you experiencing growing pains? Maybe you're having a selfish moment? Try to be honest with yourself and really take time to identify the issue.

Try taking a break.

       Sometimes people just need breaks from each other! When a relationship of any kind becomes really involved, it can become messy. Try getting some substantial space and see how your attitude changes.

Never take a great thing for granted.

       "Breaking up" with this person (or so I'd thought) was difficult, not just because they're an amazing person, but because I felt like I was being ungrateful. This person had been so patient with me for so long. They've been my friend through all of my crises. I've had so many issues to recklessly crash through and so many lessons I had to learn the painful way. From fertility struggles to struggling to figure out what to have for lunch, this person was there. They kept my secrets and supported me when I dug myself into holes I didn't see a way out of. To throw all of that away felt irresponsible and absolutely disrespectful. To tell the truth, I'm not sure what I told myself to get through that. If you're considering breaking it off with someone, be sure to honor those wonderful memories. No, the amazing moments of the past don't oblige you to stay in a relationship that is toxic to you or the other person or both. However, acknowledging and honoring those moments, even if it's just sending the person a message saying "thank you" will make the whole transition a lot easier.

 Do all things with love. 

       Just because things are ending (or pausing) doesn't mean you have to be angry or hurt someone else. You should try to end things with kindness and courtesy. This person once meant a lot to you.

 Stay hopeful.

       Leave that door open (if the person wasn't abusive). You never know what could happen tomorrow. Life is always throwing curveballs. Take it all for what it is and keep a soft heart.

       I wouldn't give any of my best friends up for anything. I know that when I went through this pause in my friendship, it felt like things would never get better between us. I believed that because we'd stopped talking and we're in our twenties that there was no way things could get better. I thought reconciliation would only have been possible for people who had 6 classes a day together. I'm so glad I was wrong. Give your friendships your all. Enjoy every bit of it. It'll all be worth it.

When You Need to Consider a New Physician

       I've lived in three different states here in the U.S. and have received medical care of varying qualities. I've had a gynecologist with a doctorate's degree order a blood test and then have no recollection of ordering the blood test at my follow up appointment (WHAT?!) and an angelic midwife who provides hour-long appointments and explains everything in an easy to understand way. I have a pretty good idea of what a good medical care provider vs. a bad one looks like. I wanted to take a moment to outline the differences and help my readers determine if they're in good hands.

The Good

You feel heard.

       Whether you're going for your annual checkup with a general practitioner or a cleaning from your dentist, paying close attention to your health is crucial. Healthy bodies provide us opportunities to handle our responsibilities, explore the world, and create beautiful, fulfilling lives. When you're explaining your symptoms or elaborating on what "normal" means to you, your physician should be attentive. Good signs that you're being listened to are they ask you questions for clarification, take notes, and explore treatment plans with you. My best provider ever stayed focused on me when I answered a question, gave me answers without making me feel silly, gave me options on how to proceed with treatment, and made me feel valid as I explained preferences or concerns. 

They follow through.

       If for any reason you need some sort of follow up, be it to go over lab results, receive some sort of exam, or check up on how well a treatment is working, the doctor should be on top of it! They should have some sort of list of things to look for such as signs that you need to come back in (or visit the ER), signs of improvement, and notification of common side effects if applicable. Obviously, they should remember why they had you come into their office in the first place when you attend that follow up appointment. They should be available if you have any questions later and provide some sort of line of communication. 

They're Intuitive and humble.

       Good doctors follow their hunches, and they're open to learning new things. Medical science is an ever-evolving field. New technologies and breakthroughs are being made all of the time! You will naturally be researching how to optimize your health from time to time and may run into alternative treatment ideas or lifestyle changes that pique your curiosity. Your doctor should take the time to research whatever idea you've presented them if they aren't already familiar with it and discuss with you why you should or should not pursue that treatment, lifestyle change, etc. 

They respect you as an equal partner in your health.

       Receiving medical care of any kind, from oncology to mental health and anywhere in between is a partnership between you and your physician(s). You know your body and your mind and what it feels like to be you. They know their professional training and experience. Both of these elements need to be combined in order to achieve optimal health. A good doctor will respect your intuition, provide you with information, and ultimately allow you to be the captain of your own ship. They should treat you with respect and provide you with sources that back their claims. While you should respect them and be mindful of avoiding paranoia, irrational behavior, and general misinformation, they should be patient with you on your journey.

The Bad

They throw diagnoses and prescriptions at you left and right.

       No blood tests or detailed exams, but got a crazy diagnosis? That's a little sketchy. I've had a doctor tell me I had endometriosis without even performing the proper exam to confirm it. The diagnosis was based strictly on the symptoms I described to her (terrible cramps that would take the breath out of me, heavy irregular periods, etc.) She then prescribed me a birth control that made my life so much worse. After that didn't work, she said "oh, you must just have PCOS then" and switched birth controls. No tests involved. Your doctor should be thorough before giving you a diagnosis. So many different conditions overlap each other's symptoms! If your doctor is only engaging in conversation and nothing else, you may want to go looking for a different provider. 

They're lazy and not engaged.

       I went to a different doctor than the one I previously mentioned complaining of the same symptoms. She didn't seem to be listening very much when I was talking. The whole time she was organizing instruments, texting on her phone, and buzzing about. At the end of the brief appointment, she said, "google IBS. You might have that." I almost fell off the damn table. Your doctor should not be having you turn to the internet and self-diagnosing. They also shouldn't be doing other things during your entire appointment. You shouldn't be paying anyone to be told to try to google. 

They try to counsel you on things outside of their expertise.

       Recently, after informing my psychiatrist that I had been diagnosed with Hashimoto's since our last appointment, she told me that making changes to my diet wouldn't help my thyroid and that my midwife needed to prescribe me with levothyroxine. Not only has my change in diet already improved my thyroid by leaps and bounds, but the midwife and I both agreed that we're not interested in starting me on any new prescriptions until we see what my "new normal" is after my body adjusts to the new way of eating. That psychiatrist is a good person and had the best intentions. That said, when she continued on about how I can't make my thyroid better on my own, I felt incredibly defeated. For a few moments, I'd forgotten the progress I had already made and wondered if I was going to be damned to a life where I take multiple prescriptions. Regardless, the doctor I have managing my thyroid knows what she's doing. I knew the results I'd seen already. That psychiatrist did not. 

They don't respond to updates on your health.

       Going back to the interaction I had with that psychiatrist. I had mentioned the Hashimoto's diagnosis and diet changes so that she would determine whether or not she wanted me to go off of the Prozac. The entire appointment had really been an experiment for me to see whether or not she was being responsible with my health. I'd already gone off of Prozac as my thyroid regulated and I realized it was no longer necessary. My psychiatrist continued to push the Prozac. I could have understood if she dialed down the dosage. I would have preferred that she'd have engaged in conversation with me about whether or not I felt the medication was even useful anymore. She did neither of those things. Your doctor shouldn't push prescriptions that you feel aren't helping, especially without having a conversation about it. Sometimes they know something that we don't about prescriptions and going on/off of them. That information needs to be relayed. Regardless, they should be adaptive and honest when things need to change.

The Bottomline

       Your physicians should have faith in your body, they should listen to you and respect you, and they should be an empowering partner. If you feel ignored, belittled, or otherwise just not vibing with your provider, you should look into seeing someone else! You do not need to fight with a doctor to get proper care, and you should never feel helpless when it comes to your health. 

       I hope you all feel immense peace as you maintain your health!

An Update on my Prozac Journey (Am I still taking it??)

       As many who have been following my blog know, I've been sharing my personal experience with Prozac in order to supply some sort of anchor in a sea of fear and misinformation. What I experienced was nothing like what I had anticipated, and I've got a lot of thoughts! Please remember, this is my unique experience and if you have to choose whether or not to take ANY medication or make any significant health changes, your intuition is important!

How I improved

       I can say with robust honesty that Prozac truly helped me to feel more energized, alert, and alive! Whereas prior to taking the medication I would hardly leave my apartment and was experiencing a lot of difficulties concentrating, as well as experiencing frequent panic attacks, now I'm going on long walks in the evening, exploring the downtown area, and cranking out projects a lot more often! I'm more optimistic about the future and I generally feel more capable as a woman of achieving all of my goals. I'm sleeping far better. I exercise at least once a day most days a week. I understand my body and what it's trying to communicate a lot better. Really, my health has improved vastly!

How I've regressed

       There are no areas where I've dramatically gone downhill. However, I'd say that while taking Prozac my filter has been knocked down a few notches. I'm an INTJ. That's superstitious speak for saying I'm immensely creative and free-thinking, but I like to keep to myself for the most part and I value knowledge and practicality over most everything else. So, when I see a lot of impractical, prejudiced, or poorly thought out things it irks me. Normally, I scroll through social media and keep my peace. However, lately, I find myself really wanting to bulldoze all of the prejudiced people I see in my feed. I don't know if that's directly related to the Prozac or if I've just reached my limit with humans, but the fact remains my ability to stay silent is slowly dissolving. 

What's Changed and Do I Still Take it?

       I absolutely feel like Prozac was the liberating key to helping me get to a place of health and peace within myself. I don't think I'd have made it through the semester without it. I don't know that I'd have made so many healthy changes (like starting to exercise more often, going vegan, etc.) or that I would even still be Beth without having introduced this medication to my life. 

       That said, I stated at the beginning of this post that your intuition must be considered and respected. In the middle of this journey, I found out that I have hashimoto's (not lupus, thank goodness) and I have been working closely with my doctor to keep it in check. I've adapted my diet according to my doctor's counsel, continuing to stay vegan, and also leaving out gluten and peanuts, and making sure my cruciferous vegetables are always cooked! After making these corrections, I felt I had even more energy and focus. Every bit of my health feels more balanced and normalized. 

       Something in me started to question whether or not I still needed to be taking this medication. Near the end of my first bottle of Prozac, I made a deal with myself. I'd go a week without getting a refill and see how I feel. If I continued to feel good and was able to stay on top of my responsibilities, I'd stay off of it until I felt I needed to do otherwise. If I noticed any sort of decline, I'd stay on them. 

       Since discontinuing my medication, I've continued to feel improvements within myself. I keep a close eye on my mood and my productivity, and I really feel that as I respect my thyroid, my mental health does far better. If I start to decline again at all despite my best efforts, I will be going back to the medication.

My Beliefs About Medication

       I don't believe that your average person needs to be on prescription medication long-term. I believe it's our duty to take care of ourselves and not accept developing preventable diseases. Western medicine is wonderful, and truly very useful for those of us who find ourselves extremely sick or in emergencies. Regardless, a strong, healthy diet backed with ample research and laying a strong foundation for your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being will carry you a long way. I have complete faith in my body and its ability to heal, create, and perform as long as I am responsible with it. It is my belief that our bodies were designed to remain in a state of health and return to that state of health when properly cared for. I believe that I have everything I need already inside of me, and medications just help us to get back up on our feet every once in a while. 

Bottomline

       You and your doctor are the only ones who can figure out what's best for you. If you find yourself not agreeing with your doctor or questioning if they are a good match for you, I fully support looking to another one for a second opinion! Remember to use common sense, and learn a healthy balance between trusting your intuition and trusting the professionals. I've had some "professionals" in my life get it very wrong and I've had others get it right on the mark! You'll know what's right when you see it.

A Reflection on English 101; My Experience

       My first semester at Boise State is over!!!!

       Well, almost over. I still have one week left in two of my classes, but then I can officially say I've got the first semester under my belt! 

       Over the semester, I've learned that I love professors who respect my creative flow, hate being talked over, and I'm going to be a strong English teacher one day. One of my most favorite professors and examples of what a great English instructor looks like, Jan Roser, taught my English 101 class. Today, I want to reflect on that class and share my experiences with the course. 

       My concept of critical reading has changed

       Before class, I felt like there wasn't much to critical reading other than looking at a piece from an objective point of view rather than with bias or emotion. However, I've learned that my previous thoughts on it couldn't have been further from the truth! One thing I personally enjoy doing is trying to look at the pieces I read through a particular lense or with a theme in mind. For example, one of the articles I read for class was "Could an Ex-Con Become an Attorney? I Intended to Find Out" by Reginald Dwayne Betts. The article was hard for me to get through because it made me particularly emotional to read about how our society simply tosses people by the wayside when they've made a mistake. My compassion was ignited and I learned so much from his experience. I by no means approached the article objectively. I felt so much throughout the entirety of reading and critically reviewing it. What I learned most of all was that I was still capable of taking away significant facts from a reading and analyzing the writer's abilities and strategies while simultaneously engaging in the emotion it evoked. (I'll share the article HERE for those of you who may be interested. It was really good!) 

       My writing process has changed

       I can't lie, I tend to avoid technical writing if I can. Sometimes the point I'm trying to convey gets lost somewhere at the crossroads of my voice and technical demands. That's something I've really tried to work on and be conscious of this semester. With the aforementioned article written by Reginald Dwayne Betts, I had to write a rhetorical analysis. This was an assignment I'd found more challenging. I didn't want to just analyze the author's rhetoric. I wanted to spend time talking about my frustration with the American justice system and the people who run this country. Keeping it together and trying to figure out how to direct my energy was challenging. I found the best way for me to navigate that would be to take notes as I read about his writing style. What words did he use? What points was he trying to make and what strategies did he use to convey it? Once I'd compiled a list of these facts, it was a lot easier for me to write. 

       Other classes impacted my experience with this class

       It seems as though all of my classes lined up with each other in terms of themes week by week. All of my classes at one point tackled racism and injustice in social injustice in America. By the end of the two weeks that subject had been explored, I'd reached my limit. I was frustrated with things that were well beyond my control, concerned for my loved ones, and terrified of what the future held for our society. It most definitely did not help that I'd recently started watching The Handmaid's Tale! To recover, I spent my free time trying to find sources of entertainment that would be less stressful, cuddled my cat, and thought up different ways I could level the playing field in my future classroom and make certain my students were all safe and empowered. That was the most change I'd be able to make. I'd determined all I could do was emulate Professor Roser in the way that she understood that all of her students came from different backgrounds and would be performing at different levels. By providing assignments that were general enough we could all engage in them from wherever we were, but refined enough that we could progress in our abilities was the perfect model of classroom management. 

       External influences impacted how I handled class and what I learned

       I spent a lot of time outside of class embarking on a health journey. I'd received less-than-acceptable medical care for most of my life simply due to living in areas that didn't have a strong medical team. My psychiatrist and midwife have proven to be two of the greatest people in my life, but that didn't mean chaos didn't happen to land me in their offices. My challenges came two-fold; First, I found that I was at a new low with my depression. I couldn't focus on anything! There was no article, no book, no movie, no youtube video that could capture my attention for more than ten seconds at a time. My brain was becoming an empty abyss. There was no engagement happening, and I was honestly scared. The thought of losing my cognitive function for any amount of time was enough motivation to finally see a psychiatrist and try antidepressants. They made a huge positive impact in my quality of life, and I am forever grateful. However, there were some troubles in getting all of my medications to cooperate, and after a week or so of being extremely sick, we discovered that I'd been misdiagnosed (and therefore mistreated) with Lupus when I really had Hashimoto's. My entire team of medical providers was astounded by the entire ordeal, and I can't lie...I was pretty upset. 

       As happy as I was to get all of that corrected and get back to handling my responsibilities, I had fallen out of my groove. It was difficult for me to find the energy and motivation again to produce quality work in school when I was still so mentally and emotionally exhausted (physically I wasn't doing too hot, either). I tried to make myself work, but all I'd end up doing was staring at the screen until I was frustrated. It took a lot of podcasts, rest, and patience with myself for me to finally gain back some gusto for my schoolwork. I did it though! 

       The health issues paired with housing issues I'd had previously (I was living with my family that had no internet because the school didn't have any place open for me yet), not having my husband around the whole time, and generally finding my way back into the swing of school all made for a fairly tumultuous semester. Overall though, it was extremely doable!

       What I learned in boating school is

        

       Some of the things we read, of course, didn't inspire me. You can't expect to be excited over every single assignment in any class. However, the ones I learned the most from were Perry Klass' "Learning the Language" and Sherman Alexie's "The Joy of Reading and Writing: Superman and Me". Both of these stories provided opportunities for me to reflect on my own journey, not just with literature, but with education as well. I really got a lot out of reconsidering what kinds of habits I was picking up along my way to the classroom and bookshelf. What have I been learning and picking up that would benefit me as a future educator? What experiences were strengthening me as a writer? Why were those my ambitions in the first place? These readings were introduced to me at the same times and both addressed the different dimensions of my goals. The timing of these required readings were simply spot on and I could not have been more excited about them. 

       My take away

       English 101 is an essential class to take for anyone looking to be a professional in any regard. I was reminded time and time again of why I'm at school by this class. When we wrote an essay about our writing backgrounds, I remembered why I loved writing so much and rededicated myself to the craft. When we had to write a haiku, I reconnected with my natural surroundings. Every single assignment had a purpose and they all served me in so many more ways beyond what was intended. 

       If you haven't taken English 101 yet, do it! If you had a bad experience with it, I strongly encourage you to retake it with a different professor. My professor was absolutely outstanding! Never underestimate the treasures that you can find in the classroom. Especially, the English class!

Attending College with Anxiety; My Advice

       The prospect of attending university for many of us who suffer from anxiety can set us on a complete mental overload sometimes. How am I going to handle the demands of an education? What if I'm not as smart as I think I am? What if a challenge arises that I can't handle? All these worries and more can flood our minds as we contemplate this important life change. I'm here to help walk you through my process of overcoming anxiety and trekking onward through college.

       Getting to university in the first place

        Personally, as much as I absolutely love being the classroom, I was terrified of going to school. I don't feel comfortable being in public places, especially where I'm not familiar with the layout or the people there. My anxiety had reached new heights in toxicity as I'd developed this unshakeable feeling that I was going to die soon when I'd been accepted to Boise State. This was a college I'd always thought about going to in the back of my mind. One day at work, when I'd decided I'd had enough of working regular jobs that didn't pay much and wanted to invest in something really worth my time, I applied to Boise State on a complete whim. The excitement I'd felt when I saw that I was accepted was the most excitement I'd felt in a long, long time. Despite all of the joy, I felt an immense fear. What would I do if I were minding my business on campus one day and someone I didn't know just opened fire? What if we pissed off the wrong country and Boise just happened to be the place that was bombed? With these completely outrageous ideas, I told myself my imagination was getting the best of me. All the same, I could not get these fears out of my head. Still, I'm a Gryffindor, and almost every day I've made the choice to walk onto campus paying little mind to the fears in the back of my mind.

        "Being a Gryffindor" isn't always easy though. While I try to rally up my bravery and rely on my stubborn, obstinate rebellion against oppressive forces to get me to and from class every day, that can only take me so far. Something else that helped was making friends-a lot of them! Making friends with the other students helped to make the classroom a more welcoming and familiar place. I opened up a dialogue with some of my professors (my first and last professors of the day, typically) to let them know what I was struggling with so that we could be partners in helping me complete my education.

       For help with this, I've learned that there are a few simple steps I could take towards coping with this fear. According to helpguide.org, the first thing to do is make a list of frightening situations pertaining to your fear. Not "this is the worst thing that could happen", but rather situations that make you most anxious. For example, I get a little nervous in populated parks, and extremely nervous on campus. Second, arrange the items from least scary to most scary on your list. For me, I'd write down "the apartment laundry room, the park, campus..." and so on. Third, work your way up the ladder. Place yourself in these situations with small goals, such as staying for at least five minutes or until you no longer feel anxious. The more you can expose yourself to the reality of how safe these situations actually are, the easier it will be for you to navigate your way through your fears. The fourth step is to stay in practice and be patient with yourself. Don't push yourself so hard that you do more harm than good. Take it easy!

       Perfectionism

       I'm not happy earning average grades in areas I know I'm capable of doing a lot better in. I'm obsessed with constantly pushing the envelope and trying to find out for myself what I can really do. That said, I have a habit of over-committing and then burning out. I panic or give up when I realize I'm not going to be able to make something all that I had wanted it to be. When I see that trying to assemble something when I'm mentally exhausted and energetically bruised doesn't produce my best work (duh) I get beyond angry with myself.

       An article published by the University of Michigan's Student Life Counseling and Psychological Services, the best thing to do to cope with perfectionism and anxiety surrounding school performance are to arm yourself with "alternative thoughts". For example, instead of thinking, "I'm such a failure for only receiving a ninety-eight instead of a one-hundred and ten" (real complaint I had this semester), think "I highly doubt the grade I earned on this test is going to impact what I'm doing a year from now". Removing yourself emotionally from the disappointment and worry and general frustration of not doing as well as you'd hoped and taking a second to remember the big picture can have a big impact on your emotional and mental health. Explore why alternative thoughts can benefit you. Set reasonable time frames for working on assignments so you know you're dedicating a responsible amount of time to your work without obsessing over anything. Learn how to separate criticisms of your work from criticisms of your person. Most importantly, be realistic about what you can do. If I'm taking a lot of classes, have a lot of personal drama going on, am in poor health, etc. I'm not going to be at my top game all of the time. That doesn't mean I have to be a failure. I have the choice to delegate responsibilities, make decisions about which assignment is more important, and communicate with my instructors when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Classes I'm less passionate about and enjoy less will probably get worse grades out of me than the classes I love more. Classes that are directly related to my major will receive more of my energy than the classes that are more for general foundation requirements. This is the way that I need to prioritize everything for myself.

       Pent up energy and productivity

       I can't tell you how many times I've buzzed in my chair wanting to do 20 other things instead of my assignment. I've tried to wrestle against my desire to clean my apartment and research topics I'm a lot more interested in or engage in passion projects as opposed to writing a short essay for my education class or watching dull movies for anthropology. I'd yell at myself about how I needed to be more responsible and just sit down and do my work instead of avoiding it. All of the nagging in the world doesn't help me accomplish anything, though. 

       I've learned that the best thing I can do is respect my energy. If right now my chest is just burning from how badly I want to spray down my yoga mat and vacuum instead of take notes on another story I've already read at least twice since middle school, then that's what is going to happen. If I can't focus on my work because I'd rather be writing a book on practical medicine or things no one ever told me as a child of multiple divorces, then I'm going to let myself write until I'm exhausted. The key to doing this is providing myself with ample time to complete an assignment. If there's a strong likelihood that it's going to be lower on my list of things I really want to do, then I'm going to try and jump into working on it as soon as possible. That way I can more accurately time when to work and how to strategically place my attention so that it more easily flows back to my school obligations. For example, to write this essay I had to allow myself to clean my apartment from top to bottom (the movement allowed me to think more clearly about what it was I really wanted to say) and then write a blog post pertaining to the essay (because as many ideas as I've had flowing, the MLA format just stole my energy flow away from me. I was more energized writing it in a blog format, so I did that first), taking breaks in between to read articles about various endangered species and practice yoga.

       For all of the authors there are in the world, I haven't managed to find a lot of advice on how to balance my school life with working on creative projects. Writing a book is hard, and writing a book in conjunction with five essays can be even harder! The best piece of advice I've managed to find comes from a wonderful author and youtuber, Jenna Moreci. Jenna's advice such as communicate with people when you need to dedicate time to creating instead of hanging out, and prioritizing writing over lazing about.

       For me, I had to re-design my academic career (aka pursue a different degree) that would allow me to study something that connects with my writing a bit more intimately. Creating a system where I could better respect my own energy flow has led to me being more productive and more comfortable with my long list of responsibilities. I really want to do everything! None of my classes bore me, because I'm passionate about school. However, now I can really enjoy accomplishing all of my goals as I trust my own process. So yes, make hard decisions and prioritize. Remember that sometimes the key to being able to accomplish more menial tasks is to allow yourself to produce more fulfilling things.

       The Most Important thing to know:

       My greatest piece of advice ever on going to college, though, is just go! Take that risk! Put yourself in an environment that allows you to grow outside of your comfort zone and develop your mind. I've learned so much just about myself from only one semester at Boise State! Imagine how much you can nourish yourself when you take the leap and get in the classroom. 

       Works Cited:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/phobias-and-irrational-fears.htm/

Moreci, Writing with Jenna. “How to Write with a Full-Time Job (or School) (or Life in General).” YouTube, YouTube, 21 Feb. 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BVQ5km8b34.

“M Counseling and Psychological Services.” U, caps.umich.edu/content/coping-perfectionism.